


They Say What I Cannot

by lhr111



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BAMF Stiles, Canon-Typical Violence, Derek Hale Is Bad At Words, Eventual Smut, Frustrated Stiles Stilinski, Good Alpha Derek Hale, Hurt Derek, Hurt Stiles, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Slow Burn, Some Smut has Arrived, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Speaking Through Music, The Pack Ships It, UST, Willy Nilly with Cannon, You're Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-05-15 10:49:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19294201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lhr111/pseuds/lhr111
Summary: Stiles is home from college and is struggling to learn and use his spark powers. He gets more and more frustrated, convinced he will never be able to be a real asset to the pack. Derek wants to help him, but can never find the right words.Out of a desperate need to comfort Stiles, Derek decides to try to "speak" to him through music. He sends Stiles a series of curated Spotify playlists, each specifically made to help when Derek can't find the words himself. This not only helps Stiles with his spark, but may just get these two idiots to finally admit their feelings.





	1. Don't Give Up

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic germinated in my brain as I was listening to Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water, and for reasons unknown I flashed to a mental image of Derek holding a sobbing Stiles, playing this song to convey that no matter what he was there for him. So - this fic is my way to get to that moment. I've spent WAY too much time deciding on songs for the various playlists, and making them in my own Spotify account. I just love these boys, and particularly when they are both strong but stupid at the same time. Hope you enjoy. I'll try to update every week, and it should end up being about 5 chapters total. This is unbeta'd, so any errors are my own. I don't own the characters, and please don't post this on any other platforms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Added links to the actual playlists at the end of each chapter on 10/22/2019

Stiles storms into Derek’s loft, frustrated and hoping someone will be around to help him calm down. He sees Derek standing back in the kitchen making tea, so civilized it almost makes him chuckle, then he sees Isaac sitting on the sectional couch and plops down next to him. Isaac is highly sensitive to the pack’s emotions and his cuddles are exactly what Stiles was hoping to find. He almost lets out a maniacal laugh at the idea of how he would react if Derek tried to cuddle him the way Isaac does – it might distract from his current mood but it definitely would NOT calm him down. 

Derek watches as Stiles grumbles on the couch next to Isaac, can tell that Stiles is hurting, and not physically. He thinks he probably came over after one of his regular meeting with Deaton. Derek knows that Stiles is working at the Vet Clinic this summer while home from college and has been meeting regularly with Deaton after hours to try to develop his spark.

It doesn’t look like Isaac snuggles are doing much to calm him down. Derek absolutely hates it when anyone in his pack is in pain or upset, but he doesn’t know how to help Stiles. He’s famously terrible with his words, and he knows that words are what Stiles needs right now, what Stiles almost always needs. Stiles seems to be convinced that Derek can barely tolerate his presence, so why on earth would his garbled words of comfort be well-received or even believed. 

Derek is acutely aware that, because he is so in love with Stiles, he is even more awkward with him. He is pretty sure that none of the pack knows his secret, at least he hopes they don’t. Isaac looks over at him, possibly scenting his distress in response to Stiles, but doesn’t comment on it. 

“Stiles? What’s going on? Did something happen with Deaton?”

Stiles lets out an angry huff and covers his eyes with the heels of his hands, as if blocking out the world will lessen his frustration. “No, nothing happened, that’s the fucking problem. I finally have something within me that can actually be useful to the pack and I can’t fucking figure out how to use it. What is the point of having a spark if I’m too incompetent, too “uncontrolled“, according to Deaton, to do anything with it.”

Stiles sighs, his eyes are still closed but are visible now that he has removed his hands from his face. He leans his head against the back of the couch, unknowingly putting his long, pale neck on full display. Derek refuses to stare. Stiles’ hand reaches out toward Isaac who is still snuggling next to him and scratches absently in his curls, making the wolf nearly purr with pleasure at the physical affection. Derek watches and does his best to shut down his jealousy and envy at the casual comfort between the two of them. 

He is also disappointed but not surprised to hear how Stiles views his value to the pack. Derek knows he has to say something, try to get Stiles to understand that even without the spark he is important to the pack. “Stiles, it’s fine. This is not supposed to be easy or something you can just pick up immediately. And even if you don’t master it, or it takes a really long time, you are always a member of this pack.”

There, he spoke and hopes it was sufficiently supportive. However, the acrid scent coming off of Stiles indicates that he had the exact opposite reaction. Derek’s shoulders sink, knowing that, yet again, he hasn’t said the right thing.

Stiles opens his eyes and stares off toward the ceiling. “Derek, I appreciate that I’m part of the pack, I really do. And I know it’s close to torture for you to have to say nice things to me, so again, thanks for that. But, dammit, I want to be worth being in the pack for once.” Stiles jumps up and starts pacing in his frustration, pulling at his hair without any awareness of how hot it makes him look. “I want to be more than a liability for once. I’m so sick and tired of being the weakest link. I mean, I have mad google skills and can research like a champ, but it’s something any of you could do. I just. Fuck. I just want to be special and strong. Just for once.” His sigh is heartbreaking and he plops back down on the couch, making Isaac snuggle even closer. Stiles, like the rest of the pack, can’t resist Isaac. He finally breaks and lets out a small laugh, “Alright, Isaac, I get it. Enough self-pity. I just needed to vent. I’m fine.” 

Derek watches as Stiles stands up, gives Isaac one more affectionate head scratch, gives a short wave to Derek then walk out of the loft. He listens and hears the jeep rumble out of the parking lot. Sometimes Derek wishes he could just use music, let the emotion of a melodic phrase or a well-written lyric express what he is never able to say. His music library is extensive and eclectic, and more often than not, his mind travels to a bit of music that expresses perfectly how he is feeling. He knows exactly what he would have played for Stiles, that would have appealed to Stiles’ own tastes and fit his current frustration perfectly. 

Derek gets an odd idea, glances toward his desk and his laptop. He walks over, boots up his computer, and opens Spotify.

__________________________________

 

Stiles wanders into his bedroom with a maroon towel wrapped around his hips, his skin is still damp from the shower and the cool feel is a relief from the summer heat. It’s been two hours since he left Deaton’s office, and he’s still having trouble calming down. 

When he found out he was a spark, he finally felt like he could level the playing field with all these wolves. Finally, he has something extra, something to help keep them all alive. However, Deaton keeps telling him that until he can get better control over his emotions during stressful situations and hold his focus, he will not be able to have reliable nor powerful results from his magic. Stiles gets it, but understanding the problem has not helped him gain better control. Why on earth a guy with ADHD and a too-passionate nature was also given a spark is a mystery for someone else to solve. His fear associated with the need to protect those he cares about is overwhelming and he only has himself to blame for his lack of progress. 

Not even his lukewarm shower, including some much-needed self-pleasure time, has mellowed him out enough for sleep. He sighs and wanders over to his bed, wondering if rereading a Harry Potter book for the 100th time might be enough to tire him out. He pulls on a pair of boxer briefs and settles on his bed, reaching for The Goblet of Fire – which for some reason always makes him sleepy. 

As he opens the book his phone pings an unfamiliar alert. He grabs it off the nightstand and sees a notification from Spotify. He opens up the app and finds a new playlist shared with him from someone called “Sourwolf”. Subtle, Derek. Seriously. Stiles chuckles, secretly pleased because he knows that under Derek’s gruff exterior he appreciates Stiles’ unique brand of humor, including his sweet nickname making skills. 

Stiles takes a quick look at the short playlist, titled “Don’t Give Up”, and starts the first song. It’s Yoda and the Force from The Empire Strikes back. Stiles lays back onto his bed and smiles; he can totally imagine the scene as it unfolds against the familiar melody. Part of Stiles’ obsession with Star Wars as a kid came from his love of the music. 

But as much as he enjoys the music, he’s trying to figure out what Derek is trying to say. In his head he can see Luke trying and failing to pull the X-wing out of the swamp; well, okay, maybe Stiles can relate as Luke got annoying when he failed at his early attempts to use the force. Then comes the powerful, spine-tingle inducing swells of music when Yoda rescues the X-wing with apparent ease. He gets chills every time he hears this part even without the movie playing.

What exactly is Derek trying to tell him? He had better not be comparing Deaton to Yoda! And he’s not too sure how he feels about the clear parallel being made between himself and whiny Luke. On the other hand, he’s super impressed that Derek is sufficiently versed in Star Wars to know that this music would actually be a good motivator for Stiles, and that Stiles is one of the few people around who would actually understand the meaning behind this music. Huh. Also, maybe he should start calling his spark magic The Force. That would be AWESOME. He smiles just thinking about how he will be able to drive everyone crazy with his mad force skills. 

The next song starts to play and Stiles snickers at first, Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. I mean, what a cliché. However, as the song continues to play, he gets caught up in it, even finds that his eyes are a bit misty by the time the song is almost over. It does help to remember that he’s not alone in his frustrations and hurt. He glances at the rest of the list as the third song begins to play:

Swim – Jack’s Mannequin  
Firewood – Regina Spektor  
The Unknown – Athlete  
Titanium – Madilyn Bailey  
Everything’s Alright – Jesus Christ Superstar  
Be Still – The Killers

He’s not familiar with all of them and finds himself lost in the music as the playlist continues on. When the last song is over Stiles realizes that he’s super relaxed and nearly asleep. Somehow Derek’s playlist helped him process and get over his self-directed anger. With a relaxed expression on his face he reaches over and turns off his lamp, lies on his side and goes to sleep, The Goblet of Fire long forgotten on the bed beside him.

Outside, hidden in shadow, Derek listens to Stiles breathing, happy to recognize the slow and regular respiration of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to "Don't Give Up" playlist on Spotify:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4lOExiSs4El5NaOARxrepC


	2. Relax

 

The next morning, Stiles wanders downstairs and joins his dad for breakfast. Stiles lets the seductive smell of coffee pull him over to the steaming carafe.

 

“Hey Dad, thanks for making extra coffee.”

 

The Sheriff looks at his son and smiles, “Surprisingly, you actually look well-rested this morning, maybe you don’t need your usual 4 cups today. Did you sleep well last night?”

 

Stiles settles down at the table with a bowl of cereal and coffee and gives his father a small smile. “Yes, actually. I slept better last night than I have in months.”

 

“Well, maybe all that work Dr. Deaton is pushing on you is paying off? Is your magic feeling more settled now?”

 

Stiles tries not to laugh, because he’s sure that Deaton has nothing to do with his peaceful sleep last night. He finds himself smiling even more, thinking about the playlist that Derek sent him, warmth creeping into his chest at the gesture and how surprisingly effective it was. Stiles realizes he was zoning out when he notices his dad trying to get his attention.

 

“Stiles? Are you okay? I lost you for a second there, and it sort of looked like your eyes were glowing. What were you just thinking about?”

 

Stiles definitely does NOT want to tell his dad that his eyes were glowing as he daydreamed about a certain alpha werewolf. He tries to fight back the blush he feels creeping up his neck before it can hit his face. Time to divert. “Oh, nothing dad, it’s just nice that we can actually talk about the supernatural now. I hated trying to keep all of this from you and it’s just really great that I can be honest with you.”

 

The Sheriff smiles at that, but gives Stiles a questioning look all the same. “Really, that’s what made your whole face go soft and your eyes glow? Thoughts about your old man? Stiles, I’m a Sheriff, you’re going to have to try harder if you want to fool me.”

 

Stiles nearly snorts his coffee, which is a painful prospect, so the Sheriff goes easy on him. “Don’t worry, you can keep your love confessions to yourself for now. But don’t think you have me fooled, kid.”

 

Stiles focuses intently on his cereal, stuffs his face, and avoids eye contact with his too-perceptive father.

 

Laughing to himself, the Sheriff gets up from the table, ruffs up Stiles’ hair, drops his dishes in the sink and heads out the door for work.

 

Stiles slowly lowers his forehead to the table and groans, lamenting his pathetic existence.

 

__________________

 

 

Stiles is just finishing up his regular shift at the Vet Clinic, debating whether he has time for one more cuddle with the sleepy beagle who just lost his balls, when Deaton waves him toward the back room. Sighing for all sorts of reasons, Stiles follows along.

 

“So Stiles, you seem a bit more settled today. Did you make progress with your meditations last night?”

 

Stiles knows he should explain to Deaton why he is in a better frame of mind today because every bit of information will help, but he really doesn’t think it’s necessary to unload all the “unnecessary” details. “Well, I did try meditating last night but I didn’t find it very helpful. I also tried releasing pent-up physical energy which I always have too much of (AKA Stiles sexy times in the shower), but that also didn’t help much. I ended up finally calming myself down with music, actually. I listened to a playlist for about a half hour and the music really helped me more than anything else has so far.”

 

Deaton looks at him with a barely discernible expression, which is nothing new. “Interesting. This is good, Stiles. Perhaps this is what you can use moving forward. Because you will need to channel different emotions and hold them for you to progress with your spark, it might be good to try other music that can help you hold these moods. And like I mentioned yesterday, you need to seriously think about an anchor. Not only will having a solid anchor keep you tied to your humanity in the chance that your magic overwhelms you, it will also help you hold onto the emotions you need to channel and keep you focused.”

 

Stiles sighs again. “I understand that in principle, but I have no idea what my anchor should be. I tried focusing on my Dad, but it just doesn’t seem to work. I just get too anxious and start to worry.”

 

Deaton nods his head, “That isn’t surprising. Since you lost your mother, you are hyper-focused on your father’s safety. I don’t think you will be able to use him to channel other emotions and hold your focus. Rather, you need something or someone who is a constant in your life, something or someone who you are comfortable with and from whom you can easily imagine experiencing a range of emotions. It’s different from a werewolf’s anchor – as they don’t need to be as focused on their emotion as a spark. So, in addition to pursuing music as a context to help put you in the right frame of mind to practice your magic, you also need to work on your anchor. You won’t always be able to have music at your disposal, but an anchor can always be brought to mind in a serious situation.”

 

Stiles looks at Deaton as if he just asked him to solve the problem of cold fusion. “Now, I want you to continue your work on manipulating mountain ash with your mind. This is a skill that can be incredibly helpful for both defensive and offensive situations for the pack.”

 

Stiles nods and tries to bring to mind some of the music he listened to last night. It helps and he is more successful than his past attempts. Then, because ADHD, his mind wanders again to the fact that Derek did something so thoughtful; he sees Derek’s grumbly face in his mind with those ridiculous eyebrows that can make him want to laugh or run in fear depending on their angle. A sense of calm settles over him at the image, and he finds that manipulating the mountain ash becomes as easy as breathing.

 

______________________

 

 

It’s a little after 7pm and Derek can hear Stiles’ jeep pull into the parking lot outside the loft. He also catches the slight aroma of pizza. Derek walks to the door and opens it before Stiles gets a chance to knock.

 

“Hey, Sourwolf. Mind if I come in? I brought sustenance.” Stiles looks at Derek with a tentative smile. Derek pulls the door wider to let him in.

 

Stiles sets the box down on the coffee table, but rather than settle down on the couch he turns toward Derek, looking even more awkward than Stiles’ usual. “So, I mean, I’m not really sure what to say. But thanks man, the playlist you sent me last night was actually very helpful. I sometimes get so anxious that I’m never going to get this spark shit figured out, and somehow the music you picked really helped to settle me down. Although, I’m insulted on behalf of fans everywhere that your musical choices suggest a parallel between Yoda and Deaton. Unacceptable, dude.”

 

Derek is absurdly pleased that his idea was a success. But as usual, he isn’t able to do more than scowl and grunt at Stiles. This time, however, Stiles actually smiles at his social constipation. “It’s okay man, I know words aren’t really your thing. The music was actually really clever. So, yeah, I just wanted to say thanks. You totally didn’t have to do go to the trouble, but I appreciate it. I even slept better last night, it’s amazing how much easier it is to get through the day and do magic training when I’m well-rested.”

 

Stiles glances over at Derek and wonders if he is hallucinating, because Derek’s ears are starting to get a little red. Is he embarrassing the all-mighty alpha with his gratitude? Well fuck, that’s adorable. He has enough trouble keeping his desire for Derek under control in normal circumstances, he doesn’t need adorable blushing ears added to the package. “It’s okay Sourwolf, I’ll stop being awkward with my thanks, so why don’t we dig into this pizza. It’s sausage and green pepper, that’s your favorite, right?” Oh dear god, please don’t think about why I know your favorite pizza.

 

Now Derek actually cracks a tiny smile, pleased, apparently, that Stiles knows his pizza preferences. Stiles was hoping to do some more practice here, but if Derek keeps being so freaking adorable, he’s not going to get through it without completely embarrassing them both. Time to switch topics, hopefully more successfully than with his dad this morning.

 

“So, where’s Isaac tonight?”

 

“Scott is back in town, so Isaac couldn’t wait to go and see him.” Now Derek’s actually smirking, fondly mocking the Scott-Isaac love affair that no one and everyone saw coming. With Scott’s compulsive need to protect and Isaac’s severe lack of protection in his pre-wolf life, it’s really a great match.

 

Stiles laughs, “Oh my god, I’m SO happy to not have to witness the happy reunion. I thought Scott was a disgusting sap when he was with Allison, but he and Isaac absolutely win that award. I forgot Scotty was back from his trip today. Thanks for the reminder.”

 

Stiles passes Derek a slice and they both settle into a comfortable silence on the couch as they devour the pie. Stiles, being Stiles, can’t keep quiet for long. Derek was honestly counting the minutes to see how long he would last. 2.5 minutes, a new record.

 

“Okay, so I have a favor to ask. Do you think it would be okay if I started coming over here more regularly to practice my magic? It went much better today at the clinic, and part of that was because I was able to focus on the music you shared last night. I just feel like I’ll be able to focus here, as long as you don’t mind.”

 

“It’s fine, come over whenever you want. It’s not like you didn’t make yourself a key, anyway.”

 

“Oh come on, you know you wanted me to have it.” Stiles bumps his shoulder against Derek’s, forcing a grunt out of the big man. “And thanks, again. I’ll clean this up and then get to practicing. I was working on manipulating mountain ash earlier, but I’ll just focus on illumination tonight.”

 

Derek nods and settles back into the couch with the book he had been reading before Stiles arrived.

 

Stiles, after messing around in the kitchen, settles at the dining room table.

 

Stiles is doing the deep breathing technique Deaton taught him, but as usual his mind wanders. He knows from past pack nights at the loft that Derek has surround sound speakers around the living area. “Hey Derek? First, I just want to say that you can say no. But, um, do you happen to have a playlist that has relaxing, mellow music? I don’t want you to make something special, but if you have one already, would you mind if it played in the background? Deaton thinks that music may help me focus my emotions, and I need something to keep me calm and relaxed for illumination work.”

 

Derek shoots him a grumpy face that frankly could mean anything, but then Stiles sees him nod and reach for his phone and the speaker remote. Before he knows it, warm notes from a guitar start coming through the speakers. The song is familiar, but Stiles can’t place it. An alert goes off on his phone and it’s Spotify – Derek has sent him a new playlist called “Relax”. He smiles and looks up at Derek.

 

“Just in case you want to know what the songs are, for reference.” Then Derek studiously looks back at his book.

 

Stiles is more pleased than he should be. He glances at the playlist, and he’s listening to Ventura Highway by America. He decides not to look at the full playlist, which is longer than the last one, and instead uses the music to get into the appropriate emotional zone. After a time, he is barely aware of the music, even though he hears it. He is making amazing progress on producing light and currently has a large halo hanging over the dining room table, almost like a virtual chandelier. He finds himself humming along with the song playing in the background and realizes he knows this one, hasn’t heard it in a long time. Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. With his eyes closed he smiles and sees a perfect replica of Derek’s face in his mind, his red alpha eyes glowing, making Stiles feel safe and calm. Stiles finds he can manipulate the light very easily, make it grow, change shape, change brightness. He knew practicing here would be helpful.

 

When he opens his eyes he glances over at Derek and the alpha has an expression Stiles has never seen on his face before. it’s something akin to awe, but it’s not directed toward the light, rather at Stiles himself.

 

“Stiles.” Derek whispers his name almost reverently, but that can’t be right. “Stiles, your glowing, and your eyes.” Okay, what else was happening while he created his light?

 

“What? What about my eyes?”

 

“They were glowing golden, almost like a beta wolf. And your skin, it’s like there was a light within it. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” Derek is now looking at him intently, his expression still unreadable but his focus on Stiles is clear.

 

Oh. Fuck. Had he been thinking about Derek again? Is this what his dad saw this morning? Dammit Stiles, you need to lock this shit down.

 

“Whoa dude, I wasn’t trying to do anything more than create the halo of light. I’ll have to talk to Deaton about the rest. Glad it wasn’t too creepy.”

 

In a distant part of his brain, Stiles notices a new song beginning to play and as this awareness settles in, he begins to panic again. He recognizes that quiet bass at the beginning  followed by the bluesy guitar and quickly scans to the playlist on his phone. NO. OMG NO. And there it is, the rest of the song, one he knows very, very well.

 

Now, a normal person would not panic at the chill sounds of Redbone by Childish Gambino. However, Stiles is no normal person, and this particular song with its Prince-like vocals and steady, rhythmic melody is his absolute favorite “Stiles Time” song. Something about it just gets his juices flowing. Sure, it makes subjective sense on a relaxing playlist and the lyrics are about staying woke, not sex, but for the love of god he cannot listen to this around Derek. He most definitely can’t do this at the same time when he’s apparently glowing with his feelings for the Sourwolf. Derek cannot pick up any additional chemosignals if Stiles has any chance of maintaining their tenuous friendship. Focus, Stiles. FOCUS.

 

Derek looks over at Stiles and could swear that he is twitching on the dining room chair. His face is all flushed, and he notices something spicy in the air. What the hell? What on earth is going on in Stiles’ head? The halo of light is now flickering in and out, the level of brightness alternating between extremely dim to blindingly bright. Then Stiles seems to get it under control and the light stabilizes. His eyes are shut and he’s breathing evenly, and Derek is genuinely proud that Stiles is making such great progress.

 

After a while Stiles lets out a long exhale and opens his eyes. Thankfully, he was able to pull back his control and refocus on the halo. He’s now pretty exhausted and thinks it’s time to head out before he genuinely embarrasses himself beyond redemption. He looks over and Derek is still on the couch.

 

“Hey, Der.” OMG, did I just call him Der? Gah, just keep babbling for god’s sake. “So, buddy, yeah, I’m pretty burnt out, must be from all the lighting up I did tonight. Ha ha, get it?” Oh my god, let the ground just swallow me now.

 

Derek stares at Stiles, seriously concerned about how exhausted he is. “Stiles are you alright? If you’ve tired yourself out you can crash here. I don’t want you getting in an accident.”

 

“NO!” Stiles shouts, startling Derek. “I mean, no man, that’s super nice to offer but I need my own bed. I want to see if I can extend my streak of good sleep to two nights in a row. And I’m not that tired, just feeling worn out. I’m definitely fine for the 10 minute drive home.” Stiles hasn’t admitted it to himself, but he knows deep down that he will be heading right home, replaying Redbone, and imagining all the many things he would like that scowly face to do to him.

 

Speaking of which, Derek is scowling at him again and starting to stand up, highlighting how perfectly his dark jeans hug his thick thighs, great. “You’re sure? I can drive you and just run home if you want. You’re sure you’re safe to drive?”

 

Seriously, Stiles knows that Derek is not trying to intentionally torture him tonight, but with his unexpected adorableness, playing of sexy music, and now his scowly concern for Stiles’ safety, he really, really needs to get out of here.

 

“Nah, thanks for the offer but I promise I’m fine. I’ll text you when I get home, just so you won’t worry.”

 

Derek is still scowling, but nods. Stiles grabs his phone, makes sure he has everything he came with aside from the pizza, and practically runs out the door. “Thanks Derek, I’ll probably see you tomorrow. Appreciate all the help!”

 

If Derek was not a werewolf, he would probably have whiplash from how fast Stiles ran out of the loft. The spicy smell was back as he flew out the door, and Derek has given up trying to understand him. If he inhales that lingering scent that _is_ Stiles, at least none of his betas are there to laugh at him.

 

______________________________

 

**Relax Playlist:**

Ventura Highway – America

Dante’s Prayer – Loreena McKennitt

Everyday – Dave Matthews

Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley

Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy

Redbone – Childish Gambino

You Can’t Always Get What You Want – Rolling Stones

Into Dust – Mazzy Star

Madness - Muse

Landslide – Fleetwood Mac

Awake My Soul – Mumford & Sons

Amsterdam – Coldplay

Latch – Sam Smith

Waiting Game - Banks

Can’t Help Falling in Love – Kina Grannis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to "Relax" playlist on Spotify:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4QP6oFYrRxM79srHZ9gGPn


	3. Power

Derek is slowly going mad. Stiles has been spending all his evenings at the loft, often just the two of them. It’s been over a week now, and Derek needs it to stop/never wants it to end. All during the day he finds himself anticipating Stiles’ arrival and doing stupid things in preparation – things like stocking his favorite pop tarts and soda at the loft, and getting new comfy seat cushions to cover the wooden dining room chairs. He’s seen Stiles squirm on those chairs enough now that he must find them uncomfortable.

Derek knew that he had serious feelings for the human, but all this extra time to observe him and his growing powers is making it much harder to reign in those feelings. It’s obvious that Stiles is beautiful, at least to everyone aside from Stiles, but he’s also freakishly loyal, he’s as fierce as any of the actual wolves, and he’s so damn smart. Then there is the way Stiles smells, which Derek is convinced is even more mouthwatering now that his spark powers are growing. How on earth is he supposed to cope with this every day, especially now that Stiles is fixated on becoming a powerful tool to keep the pack safe?

Fuck. He’s a goner, and he’s also pretty sure that the rest of the pack are starting to pick up on it. The worst is Lydia, the evil genius, because even though she can’t smell it on him her powers of observation are unparalleled. He’s almost certain that he should be terrified by the new glint in her eye anytime she looks at him or Stiles.

Stiles, on the other hand, is getting more confident in his abilities every day. His new regime of listening to Derek’s music and practicing at the loft is paying off. Deaton has been really pleased with his progress and has Stiles working on more complicated magic, including generating actual force fields. How is this his life?! Now, Deaton called it an energy shield, but it’s invisible and keeps out any unwanted creatures and projectiles; it’s a fucking force field.

Deaton promised that if Stiles can produce a successful force field this week, he will start moving the training toward more offensive skills. Stiles is convinced that Deaton is pulling this right out of Mr. Miyagi’s playbook, which like the parallel to Yoda, seems a bit overblown in his humble opinion. Oh well, at least he hasn’t been forced to refinish Deaton’s home in the name of defensive training.

Stiles main concern these days is one he has kept to himself. Mainly, why he keeps having visions and thoughts of Derek when he’s focusing on his magic, and why it’s at these times that his magic is easiest to access and manipulate. He is pretty sure that this means Derek is his anchor. Maybe it’s typical to have your alpha as an anchor? Maybe it’s because he’s been practicing so much with Derek nearby? He wants to ask the other betas, but on the chance it is not typical he refuses to open that Pandora’s Box.

Pushing those disturbing thoughts aside, Stiles thinks about Deaton’s instructions at his last lesson. Stiles needs to use his magic in the face of more distractions and threats, as he will have to do out in the real world. He thinks that getting the pack to help is the best way to ease into this.

It's a Saturday and the pack are congregating at the old Hale House for the day since they are slowly rebuilding the place as a pack project. When he parks he sees that everyone is already there.

“Hi guys!” Stiles wanders over to the barbeque area where Scott and Isaac are getting the grill fired up for lunch.

“Stiles! Hey buddy, I missed you!” Stiles is immediately engulfed in Scott’s arms, now very used to his awesome werewolf-strength hugs. He then feels Isaac jumping in on the hug, not at all surprised.

“Hi guys, you two must be happy to be reunited again. I’m sure that whole week apart was killer.” Stiles lovingly teases the couple, knowing they won’t be offended.

“You had better watch out Stiles, someday it’s going to be you pining away while your love is out of town and we will have every right to torment you about it.” Isaac smirks at Stiles with a look that could be described as knowing. What the hell?

“Yeah right – please, I can’t wait for the day that someone out there finally appreciates all of this enough to be mine ( _gesturing awkwardly down his body_ ).” Stiles is joking, but deep down he doesn’t find it all that funny.

Isaac glances over Stiles’ shoulder at something, smirks some more, then turns back to the grill.

Without warning Stiles is attacked from behind, feeling large breasts crushing against his back as slim, strong arms hug him from behind and a blond head burrows into his neck. “Awe Batman! You know I would have tapped this before I met Boyd!”

Stiles starts cackling, god he loves Erica. “Thanks, Catwoman, but I know there’s no competing with Boyd.”

She gives him a wet kiss on his cheek after scenting him then sashays back to her mate, who is smiling fondly at her antics.

Stiles turns around and sees Lydia and Jackson chatting with Derek under the shade of a maple tree and wanders over.

“Well hello there my goddess, Mr. Douche Captain, Sourwolf.” Stiles nod to each of them in turn. Lydia preens, Jackson rolls his eyes, and Derek almost smiles.

“Stiles, Derek has been raving on about your spark skills. You’ll have to do a demo for us today.”

 Stiles eyes get big and he glances over at Derek whose ears are all red again, making Stiles feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Meanwhile Derek is shooting daggers out of his eyes toward Lydia, who couldn’t be less affected.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you all about that – Deaton says that I need to start practicing with distractions so I can hone my skills to be more effective when we are out in the real world. I was hoping that some of you could try to scare me or something and see how well I’m able to focus. I’m currently working on generating protective force fields, but if I get scared by our attackers it won’t be much help.”

Both Lydia and Jackson’s eyes light up at this, though Stiles guesses it’s for different reasons. “Sure Stilinski, I’d be more than happy to terrorize you, anything in the name of science and learning.” Stiles rolls his eyes, feeling almost fond at Jackson’s predictability.

Lydia, however, has what can only be described as an evil light in her eye and Stiles notices that Derek is staring at her in what looks like fear. “Hmm, you need to be able to focus in the face of distractions? Okay, that sounds like a really good idea. We’ll want to make sure we are thorough and test a variety of them to see how you respond, don’t you think?” Oddly, she’s looking at Derek when she says this.

Stiles is no dummy and he knows he is falling into some sort of trap, but he can’t for the life of him figure out what it is. “I mean, yes, that sounds like exactly what Deaton was talking about. So. Um. Yeah.”

Derek groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, not ashamed to admit that he is terrified by what he fears Lydia is up to. Clearly Stiles is oblivious, but Derek can hear Scott and Isaac snickering about it in the background. His betas are the worst.

 

__________

 

After lunch the pack gathers in the clearing as Stiles explains the force field he will be trying to build and hold.

“So, it would be good if I had at least one person inside with me who I am trying to protect, then some of you can wolf out and try to attack, see if I can keep you out.”

Lydia speaks up, “That’s fine Stiles, and I’m going to handle the distractions. I have a series of them lined up and I don’t want you to know what they are, the tests will be more valid that way. It means we’ll have different people under the shield with you based on which distraction we are going to try. Sound okay?”

Stiles is a little nervous, but he nods his head. The first person Lydia directs into the space with Stiles is Scott, who is smirking. Stiles can’t wait to see what he is assigned to do to distract him. Stiles zones out a bit to pull up his magic, focuses on Derek and how secure and safe he makes him feel, and builds the force field as Deaton taught him. His eyes are open as he needs to be able to monitor for new threats while holding his magic, but with his anchor in place he feels confident. He knows he is doing a good job when he notices the rest of the pack failing to get through the field. Stiles smiles but holds his focus.

Suddenly Scott is standing in front of him and starts jabbering on about Star Wars, of all things. “You know Stiles, I finally watched the first Star Wars movie with Isaac.” Stiles eye starts to twitch, he can’t believe Isaac was able to convince him to finally watch Star Wars. What the hell. He breaths, focuses on his anchor, and continues to keep the shield up. Scott continues on, “Yeah, it was really interesting. I can totally see a major love triangle happening with Leia and the other two dudes, Liam and Ham. That Liam guy though, he’s a little annoying. And I still don’t understand how the grandfather dude just vanished when he was hit with the light sword. How is that even possible?”

Stiles is going to explode, Scott is intentionally butchering Star Wars facts, but it doesn’t matter, it’s still making him crazy. Slowly he breaths, pulls Derek’s snarky face into mind, and is instantly focused again. He smiles smugly at Scott, who is now impressed with his best friend’s control.

Stiles waves his hand and the force field falls, and at that Stiles unloads. “Scott are you kidding me? You FINALLY watched Star Wars, without me? What in the actual fuck, dude!?”

Scott falls to the ground laughing and Stiles is tempted to kick him, just a little, it’s not like it would do any permanent damage. “Oh my god, Stiles your face. I knew it was killing you to ignore me. And seriously, that was awesome, I can’t believe you didn’t crack!”

Stiles looks at his best friend wiggling on his back like an excited puppy and tries not to laugh. “Thanks buddy. Okay Lyds, next challenge.”

Stiles notices Lydia and Erica grinning, while Jackson and Derek have intense scowls on their faces.  Boyd is just smirking. “Scott, why don’t you stay in there for now.”

Scott shoots a thumbs up to Lydia and Stiles brings back the shield to protect him and Scott. He’s expecting another distraction from Scott, but wow was he wrong. Suddenly both Lydia and Erica are standing in his direct line of sight outside the shield and, without any warning, they are both flashing him.

Now, he may be currently obsessed with Derek and his delicious and manly muscles, but Stiles is an equal opportunist. Having two gorgeous and powerful women standing half naked in front of him is truly a sight to behold. Thankfully, he is able to breathe deeply, ignore Scott’s choking noises, and brings Derek back to mind. Feeling fully in control, Stiles simply smiles at the ladies, enjoying the view. Neither Derek, Jackson, Boyd nor Isaac make any progress getting through the shield.

Lydia and Erica pull their shirts back on and Stiles lowers the shield. “Well ladies, I have to say that this practice session is turning out to be much more enjoyable than I originally anticipated. Salute!”

Jackson is hovering around Lydia, nuzzling into her neck possessively as he glares at Stiles. Erica is in the middle of a raunchy kiss with Boyd – Stiles chooses not to think about their possible kinks in any detail – and Derek looks seriously pissed off. It’s Isaac who speaks up next, “I have to say Stiles, this is pretty awesome. The shield is impossible to get through. Very cool!”

Stiles smiles at Isaac then looks back to Lydia, ready for the next test. His smile fades when he sees her speaking to Derek who looks pained. “Okay, Scott get your butt out here, now we’re moving Derek into the circle.”

Stiles is curious and a bit nervous, how will he react if his anchor is the one trying to distract him? Will his spark get confused? He’s confused just thinking about it. Also, what is Derek going to do? Shit Lydia, what are you up to?

Stiles nods at Derek then pulls up the shield around the two of them, finding it even easier to do with the goal of protecting Derek. He’s got a strong handle on it now, so is just waiting to see what the next distraction will be.

Suddenly Derek is standing in front of him with an odd look on his face. Are his cheeks red? Is he actually full-on blushing? Suddenly Derek’s hands move and grab the bottom of his light green henley. Stiles eyes grow wide and lock onto Derek’s as the wolf slowly pulls his shirt over his head. Oh fuck, Derek’s abs. Shit, Derek’s chest. Stiles knows that his face is getting redder by the minute and he can’t do anything but stare at the Adonis before him. However, he’s still keeping the wolves out, apparently being seduced by his hot-as-hell anchor isn’t breaking his focus. Win!

Then Derek points one finger and Stiles can see a claw poke through. Still looking directly at Stiles, Derek takes his finger and drags it against his chest and down his torso, drawing a deep gash.

“Derek! What the fuck! Stop that, shit you’re bleeding!” Stiles runs to Derek and pulls his sharpened claw away so that he can’t do more damage. Then Stiles is ripping off his own shirt to try to clean off the blood and put pressure on the wound. He’s not even paying close attention to everything else around him, but deep down he knows that he and Derek are still protected, that the shield is holding. He also suddenly realizes that he’s got his hands all over Derek’s chest in his attempt to staunch the flow of blood, which has already stopped. That’s when Stiles sees that his skin is glowing and he raises his eyes up to Derek’s face.

Derek is staring at him, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. “Stiles you’re doing it again. Fuck, your eyes look amazing.” Derek’s hands are now cupping Stiles’ face as he continues to stare into those glowing golden orbs. “And your skin is lit up again. What _is_ this? You feel even warmer than usual, and your smell…”

Stiles manages to squeak out, “My smell? What?”

Maybe it was his awkward squawking at Derek, maybe it was realizing that the two of them are standing half naked, hands on each other, staring into each other’s eyes in front of the ENTIRE PACK, but they both suddenly break apart and look away. The shield, however, still holds. Somehow Stiles is keeping it going in one of the less conscious parts of his mind. Another thing to talk to Deaton about.

Stiles is too embarrassed to look at Derek right now, but he can hear the alpha practically panting near him. Time to end this exercise, clearly he’s doing a good job in the face of distractions. Stiles closes his eyes and draws the shield away, finally noticing how tired the whole endeavor has made him. He must have wobbled because Derek is at his side again, holding him up, his warm arm wrapped around his back to keep him steady.

“Stiles, are you okay? Did you overdo it?” Stiles just shakes his head, takes a few more deep breaths, and tells Derek that he’s fine. He separates from the alpha and walks to the cooler to grab a drink.

Scott, the lovable overgrown puppy that he is, can’t contain his excitement. “Stiles, DUDE! That was amazing! We were all trapped outside the field, I can’t believe you can freaking do that with you mind! You are seriously bad ass.”

“He’s right, Stiles.” Lydia adds. “I’m very impressed. You didn’t crack regardless of the type of distraction presented. I think you’re making faster progress than Deaton could have ever hoped. What’s next?”

Stiles takes another sip of his water and sighs. “Well, Deaton has some distractions planned as well, and he’s going to test me in a few days. I just really want to do well, because if I can prove myself to him with this defensive magic, he will finally start teaching me offensive skills. I’ve sort of built up this test in my mind, so I’m pretty anxious about it.”

“Well, I doubt he will be able to distract you as effectively as we did, so I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Lydia adds, with a knowing smirk.

Stiles just smiles at her and nods.

 

______________

 

Later that night Stiles is back at home and in his room. He can’t stop thinking about that moment with Derek, when the rest of the pack fell away from awareness like he was the heroine in a sappy romance novel. The way Derek was looking at him, touching him, it can’t mean nothing. Right? Does Derek have feelings for him? Is this just his alpha instincts making him behave differently toward a new asset to the pack?

Stiles’ phone buzzes and he wanders over to his bed to grab it. It’s another Spotify notification and his heart might skip a little.

Sourwolf has shared a new playlist with him, this one is called Power. Before he has a chance to look at it closely he gets a text, also from Derek.

_From Sourwolf: I sent you a new playlist. Thought it would help you keep your confidence up before your test with Deaton._

_To Sourwolf: Thanks, Der._

Stiles smiles, not feeling weird anymore about the new nickname. He opens Spotify and starts the first song.

 

____________

 

 

**Power Playlist:**

Brave – Sara Bareilles

The World is Yours - Nas

Firework – Katy Perry

Lose Yourself – Eminem

Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

Roar – Katy Perry

I Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty

Run – Snow Patrol

Feeling Myself – Nicki Minaj

Fighter – Christina Aguilera

We are the Champions - Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this one - next chapter is shaping up to be long, so I may split it into two. Should post in another week or so.
> 
> Added on 10/22/2019: Link to "Power" playlist on Spotify:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6bwoP4zPJmST0xmbbpCRXu


	4. Dig

Stiles is sitting with his Dad on the couch Sunday morning, practicing his magic before Derek arrives. He’s getting better about moving things around with his mind. Currently he’s got a blanket hovering over his Dad’s head, who is looking at him skeptically as if he’s waiting for the thing to fall on him. Stiles chuckles at his expression.

“Stiles, you left the remote on the bookshelf, can you float it over here?”

Stiles tries to keep a straight face as he looks at his Dad, “You know, if I just start floating things to you all the time, you’re going to get fat.”

His Dad huffs at that. “I’m the Sheriff, I’m not going to get fat. Especially with the damn diet you force on me.”

Stiles cracks up and, because he’s a good son, floats the remote over, having no problem doing so while also holding the blanket in the air.

His Dad grumbles a thanks. “Son, tell me, how is the floating thing useful, aside from convenience?”

Stiles thinks about this. “I don’t really know, but I’m sure it will be. Maybe defensively I can use it as a distraction in a fight, or I could go all Darth Vader from Empire when he throws huge heavy objects at Luke. That would be pretty fucking awesome, actually.”

The Sheriff just sighs, not even worrying about the language. He gave up that fight years ago. “So, why are you heading to Deaton’s today? I thought Sunday was a day off for you?”

“Deaton asked me and Derek to come over today. He has some questions about how my training has been moving along, apparently much faster than he expected, and since I’ve been doing most of my practicing at the loft he wants to ask Derek about it. I don’t know, maybe hoping his wolfy senses will help Deaton to understand how I’ve turned from a flunky into a prodigy.”

The Sheriff makes a thoughtful face before speaking. “You know, I ran into Deaton the other day at the grocery store.” Stiles mumbles about how weird that is, but his Dad continues. “I mentioned the glowing eyes thing, as well as your glowing skin which I noticed the other day. I wonder if he wants to know more about that?”

“Geez Dad, what the hell? I can’t believe you are gossiping about me in the damn grocery store.”

The Sheriff laughs and scruffs up his son’s hair. He’s still his Dad and regardless of how old Stiles gets, he will always enjoy messing with him. “Well, he definitely seemed interested in it when I told him.”

At that they hear someone knocking on the front door and both Stilinskis yell to Derek to come in.

“Good morning, Sheriff, Stiles.”

“’Moring Derek, how are you doing son? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Derek gets that bashful smile on his face again, as much as his face is able to look bashful. Stiles suspects it’s from his Dad calling Derek son, a sign of the Sheriff’s affection for the alpha. And again, Stiles is beyond smitten and it’s starting to get ridiculous.

Rather than respond to the Sheriff, Derek is suddenly in front of Stiles, practically eating up his personal space and grabbing his face in his hands. “Stiles, your skin is glowing again! How do you keep doing this?” Derek’s eyes are running all over Stiles face, touching his cheeks with his fingertips as if he can physically touch the light.  Stiles thinks to himself that if his love-glow gets Derek to keep touching him, he should have figured this out years ago. Suddenly both men hear a cough laugh somewhere behind them and they very quickly remember they are not alone. They pull apart like kids caught trying to steak a cookie from the cookie jar and awkwardly look anywhere but at each other or at the Sheriff, who is unabashedly smirking at them.

Derek clears his throat, trying to get control of himself. It’s like every time Stiles starts to glow and give off that extra spicy sent, Derek loses all awareness of what is happening around him. It’s actually quite alarming, maybe he needs to talk to Deaton about it. “Okay Stiles, we should get going or we’ll be late. Sheriff, it’s good to see you.” Derek says this while still avoiding eye contact with Stiles’ Dad.

The Sheriff just coughs on his laugh and waves the two bumbling idiots out the door. He watches the Camaro drive down the street and thinks that Lydia is right, these two may finally be ready to get over their stupid hang-ups and finally admit how they feel. He thinks if Stiles literally GLOWING with his love isn’t enough for them to figure it out, they are irreparably hopeless.

 

_____________________________

 

 

Derek and Stiles are sitting in the back room, looking at Deaton and waiting for the enigmatic man to start speaking. It doesn’t take very long.

“So, Stiles, Derek, thanks for coming in today.  As you both know, Stiles has been making rather remarkable progress with his spark.” Stiles wants to preen at the compliment, but is oddly anxious about where Deaton is going. He is pretty sure he knows the glowing is because he’s in love with his anchor, and he’s getting more and more anxious that Deaton may out him to Derek.

As if on cue, Deaton looks at Derek and asks, “Derek, you have seen this phenomenon yourself, I presume? Stiles progress over the last two weeks?” Derek nods. “I’ve heard that there have been observable side effects while he uses magic. Could you describe them?”

Derek clears his throat and takes a quick glance at Stiles, clearly uncomfortable.  “Well, sometimes, his eyes glow golden like a beta wolf, and then his skin can look like it’s lit from within. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

Deaton nods and continues to stare at the two. Stiles fidgets in his seat, getting more and more worried that Deaton is going to ask or say something highly embarrassing. Derek, who has little patience for Deaton’s dramatic pauses, finally cracks. “Well? Do you know what is happening? Is it okay? It doesn’t seem to be hurting Stiles, but something wrong?”

Derek would swear that Deaton’s eyes soften a bit as he shakes his head. “No, I don’t think anything is wrong, but it is very rare. Stiles, have you found your anchor?”

Stiles is looking at his feet, nods. Derek is confused, because he smells waves of anxiety coming from Stiles, but doesn’t understand why.

Deaton just smiles. “I thought so. Alright, now Stiles, your father also mentioned that he’s seen this happen as well. Does this mean it can happen regardless of whether Derek is there or not?”

Derek swings his head toward Stiles, confused and deeply curious about why Deaton thinks his presence might be related to the phenomenon.

Stiles avoids Derek’s pointed look, but knows he is blushing wildly. “Um no, of course it’s not only when Derek is there. In fact, my Dad was the first one to see it.”

“Deaton, what does it mean? What is going on with Stiles?”

Stiles tries not to groan and looks at Deaton with a clear plea in his eyes, trying his best to silently ask him to keep quiet.

“Well, I’m fairly certain that this means a few things. Primarily, Stiles has found an ideal anchor, one that will keep him steady and from which he can pull nearly any emotion he needs to use his magic. It also means that he’s very, very powerful. Much more than typical sparks, definitely stronger than any I have ever come across.”

Derek is looking at Stiles with a sense of awe, something he’s found himself doing frequently over the last few weeks. Stiles looks at him owlishly, both of them getting a little lost in each other, again.  

Then Deaton murmurs, “Amazing, Stiles are you trying to make your skin glow right now or is it happening without your awareness?”

Stiles forces his gaze away from Derek, confused, until he looks at his hands and sees that he’s glowing again. “Um.” Stiles clears his throat, “No, I’ve never tried to do this on purpose, it just happens sometimes.”

“I see. And how does your ability to use your magic feel when you glow like this? Is it easier or harder to use?”

“Well, I don’t always know I’m doing the glowy thing – but when I’m alerted to it, it seems like my magic had been flowing really easily. In fact, one time I wasn’t even actively focusing on it. I was able to hold a force field without even trying, I don’t even know how that is possible.”

“An energy shield, Stiles.” Stiles smirks. “And were you with Derek when you were able to keep your magic flowing without trying?”

Stiles blushes again and nods. Derek is dying of curiosity, wanting to know exactly what he has to do with this. He can’t take it, “Why, why does that matter?”

Deaton gives Stiles a long, knowing look. “Well, in cases where an anchor is a person, it’s always easier to draw from that anchor when in physical proximity to that person. That is why Stiles can so easily pull his magic in these moments, why he is able to do it almost subconsciously.”

Stiles wants to die. He knows he’s beet red and can’t stop the groan from escaping his lips. He covers his face with his hands, refusing to look at Derek or Dr. Deaton, the fucking traitor.

Derek is stunned, looking from a clearly embarrassed Stiles and back to Deaton, who is looking at Derek as if he’s the idiot. “What.. I mean, are you saying? Wait, me? It’s me?” Derek is quickly losing his ability to use words, again something that happens all too frequently around the beautiful spark. What does this mean? Being someone’s anchor is a big deal for a werewolf, it has to be the same for Stiles. Right?

Deaton smiles at Derek, “Yes Derek, it seems you are Stiles’ anchor. And what is more interesting is that this phenomenon, where Stiles’ anchor is so strong that he is essentially able to control his powerful magic with such ease, can only happen when both individuals share a deep and strong connection.”

That smug bastard, now Derek is blushing furiously. It looks like Stiles is peeking at him through his fingers. As the silence draws out, Deaton takes pity of the men.

“Alright Stiles, I just needed to confirm what was happening. Having seen it happen myself, I’m now very comfortable with the prospect of accelerating your training. We will start working on offensive skills and more advanced defensive work. We will also work on doing multiple magical tasks at once. The biggest concern is that we train you at the right pace. If you expend too much magic at one time without training you will drain yourself. And Stiles, I’m serious when I say that this can be fatal if taken to extremes. So no matter what, you have to make sure you don’t overextend yourself. You’ll need plenty of sleep and to take in extra calories to compensate for times when you draw more magic.”

Stiles is nodding at Deaton, having already heard this spiel before, but Derek looks alarmed. “Wait a minute, are you saying that Stiles could kill himself if he uses too much magic?”

Deaton tries to calm Derek down, “Yes Derek, of course that is possible which is why I’m making sure Stiles knows to be cautious. But again, he is clearly extremely powerful so it would have to be a truly incredible show of magic at one time for that to happen. With proper training he should be perfectly safe.”

Stiles, finally over his anchor-outing embarrassment, grabs Derek’s arm and tries to calm him down. “Dude, it’s okay. I’ll be careful, I have no wish to magically kill myself.”

“Stiles, goddammit, you know that you are the least cautious member of our pack, right? Your own sense of self-preservation goes completely out the window when we are facing a threat. How the hell am I going to be able to trust that you won’t hurt yourself trying to save the pack?”

Stiles looks at Derek, stunned silent. He can’t believe that Derek doesn’t trust him. He knows that his hurt must be overwhelming Derek’s sensitive nose and he couldn’t care less. He stands up silently, nods at Deaton, then walks out of the clinic.

“Stiles! Come back here!” Derek rushes out after the spark and grabs him in the parking lot before Stiles can make it to the sidewalk. “Stiles, get in the car and I’ll drive you home. We have to talk about this.”

“No Derek, I’m going to walk. I need to not be around you right now. You have absolutely no idea how much you hurt me by saying you can’t trust me. Have I ever tried to guilt you about all the times you risk yourself, your fucking life, to keep the pack safe? Have I? So just fucking keep away from me right now. I can’t even look at you.”

Derek’s voice breaks, “Stiles. Please, I just… Please.”

“What Derek, do you have actual words? Are you going to take it all back? I didn’t think so. Just leave me the fuck alone.”

Stiles walks away from him, and Derek is gutted that he fucked up so badly.

 

______________

 

Stiles is back in his room, perseverating over everything that happened at Deaton’s. His walk home did little to help him calm down and get his emotions under control; ironically enough, his damn anchor seems to still help him even when he’s also the one that threw his feelings into turmoil.  His brain is a fucked-up place.

He did a minor debriefing with his Dad when he got home, then called Scott to get another perspective. But even with all the talking, he still can’t figure out how everything went so wrong. First he was unbelievably embarrassed when Deaton told Derek that he was Stiles’ anchor. But then Deaton said that his glowing can only happen if he and his anchor are deeply connected. Stiles would have loved to focus on this new bit of information, because he wants to know if this is just an alpha – packmate thing, or whether it could be something more, whether Derek might actually be attracted to Stiles and want Stiles as more than just a packmate. Stiles still hasn’t even confirmed that Derek is into guys, so the odds that he is completely off base on this are high.

But what Stiles keeps fixating on is how Derek actually said he can’t trust him. All he has wanted since finding out about his spark is to contribute more to the pack, be able to keep the people he loves safe. That Derek can’t trust him to do this when he seems to have no problem with the rest of the pack using their talents, it just hurts. He’s trying to fight the burning feeling in his eyes, refusing to cry about it. Not that he thinks crying is bad, society is frankly too obsessed with men appearing weak by expressing their feelings. He just doesn’t’ want to fall into a spiral that crying might trigger.

He’s listening to his Relax playlist, trying to calm himself, when he gets an alert. Sourwolf has shared another playlist with him, it’s called Dig.

Equal parts pissed off and curious, he opens it and sees just a single song. Dig by Incubus. He’s heard of the band but isn’t familiar with their style nor this specific song. With an annoyed sigh at how weak he is when it comes to Derek, he plays the song on his phone, not worrying about the shitty speaker or finding his earphones.

He closes his eyes and focuses on it, paying close attention to the lyrics while he enjoys the alt-pop melody.

 

_We all have something that digs at us_

_At least we dig each other_

_So when weakness turns my ego up_

_I know you’ll count on the me from yesterday_

_If I turn into another_

_Dig me up from under what is covering_

_The better part of me_

_Sing this song_

_Remind me that we’ll always have each other_

_When everything else is gone_

Stiles is trying to figure out what it means – is Derek saying his ego got out of control and that Stiles can help him keep it in check? And what about the end of the song, that just repeats how _we’ll always have each other, when everything else is gone._ He really doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, but that’s not the sort of thing “just friends” say to each other. Is Derek apologizing? Declaring feelings? Subjectively, Stiles really likes the song, keeps it on repeat and tries to decide exactly what Derek is telling him.

Outside, Derek can hear that Stiles is listening to Dig. It’s one of his favorite songs and he always sees Stiles in his mind when he listens to it, has for years. He hopes that Stiles listening to it on repeat means that he’s going to understand what he is struggling to say. Derek knows that the Sheriff is out working a night shift and is tempted to climb into Stiles room. He really needs for this argument to be settled or he won’t be able to function. Decided, he climbs up onto the roof, looks around, then slides the window up.

Stiles is so focused on the song, now singing along as he learns the lyrics, he doesn’t notice Derek in his room until he happens to glance toward his desk and sees Derek standing there. Stiles almost falls off his bed in shock.

“What the fuck! Oh my god, Derek! Jesus you almost scared me to death. Don’t worry about me magically exhausting myself, you can just kill me with your expert-level creeper skills. Fuck.”

Stiles throws his hand over his heart and breaths, trying to slow his pulse. He sits down, facing Derek who is now sitting on his desk chair. The song is still playing on Stiles’ phone and they both take a moment to listen.

But because Stiles is who he is, he can’t take it and breaks the moment. “So, obviously I got the song. I like it, I’ll have to listen to more from this band.”

Derek is looking at him intently, nods.

“Are you going to tell me exactly what you’re trying to say with this one? Every other thing you have sent me had multiple songs, so I feel like this one must be really important if you sent it alone.”

Derek nods; Stiles sighs.

“Der, I really don’t want to guess. Can you just try to tell me? I’ve got all these theories but I don’t want to look like an asshole or embarrass myself. Please, just give me something.”

Derek looks constipated, but also determined. “To me, a lot of this song is about having an anchor.”

Stiles pulls in a deep breath at this, feeling even more upset. “Oh. Shit, well I’m glad I asked because I was definitely wrong.” He looks down at his hands in his lap and tries to pull back the hurt and disappointment. “Okay, so it’s about how I need to use you as my anchor, to dig my “better” self back when my ego is out of line.” He shakes his head in sadness. “Okay, I get it.”

Derek rushes to stand up and grabs Stiles by the shoulders, “No, Stiles no, This song is about me, about me needing my anchor to help bring me back when my fears have me making stupid decisions.”

Stiles looks up at Derek, his eyes huge on the beautiful man. He swallows hard before he can get the words out. “Do you mean I’m your anchor? Are we both each other’s anchors?”

Derek nods his head, holding eye contact, happily losing himself in those whisky colored orbs.

“What does that mean? Is this because you’re my Alpha and I’m your spark?”

Derek clenches his fingers on Stiles shoulders, clearly the spark has no idea what it does to him to be called _His Alpha_ , to call himself _His Spark_. He closes his eyes, trying to get his desire under control.

“Derek? Are you okay?”

Derek opens his eyes and they bleed red and Stiles catches his breath. “No Stiles, this has nothing to do with pack dynamics. This has to do with how I feel about you. What I want from you. What, maybe, you want from me?”

Derek picks up on a surge of that spicy scent from Stiles and then sees him try to adjust a growing bulge in his lap. Fuck, this whole time that was arousal. He takes a deep, obvious breath and sees Stiles pupils dilate. Fuck it.

Derek straddles Stiles’ lap, threads his hands into Stiles’ dark hair, and kisses him.

Stiles makes a surprised noise, and Derek takes advantage of his open mouth to dive in with his tongue. Stiles arms band around Derek’s back and his nails dig in, like he needs to hold him steady.

The kiss is instantly hot and messy, both men desperate now that they are doing this thing that they have wanted for so long.

Stiles rips his mouth away to catch his breath, buries his face into Derek’s neck. “Fuck Derek, I’ve wanted you for so long. I never knew.”

Derek pulls Stiles’ shirt over his head and pushes him back against the bed, sets his hands under Stiles armpits and moves him further back so that he’s fully lying on the bed. Still straddling Stiles legs, he rips his own shirt off then dives back down, desperate for skin on skin. He goes right for Stiles long, gorgeous neck, fixated on marking that stunning mole-speckled skin.

Stiles drags his blunt nails against Derek’s skull as the wolf mauls his neck, fully aware that everyone will know exactly what happened and feeling fucking ecstatic about it. “Fuck, Derek. Mark me up. You feel so good, I can’t believe this is happening.”

Derek is lapping down Stiles’ torso, now biting and licking at his right nipple as Stiles squirms and pants beneath him. “God Stiles, you taste as fucking fantastic as you smell. I want to soak it in, want you all over me until I can’t tell where your smell starts and mine begins. So fucking perfect.”

“Jesus, figures you get chatty during sexy times. Come on big guy, these pants have to go. Like, yesterday.”

Derek makes one last strong pull at Stiles nipple, drawing a filthy groan from the spark, before surging up and practically ripping his dark jeans down his body, left with nothing but his dark grey boxer briefs which are tented out with a large wet spot where his precum is weeping out of him. Stiles is staring at him like a starving man who was just offered a prime steak, and Derek smirks. He climbs back on the bed and roughly pulls at the button of Stiles’ pants, rips down his zipper, and peels his jeans down those long, lean legs. Stiles is wearing a pair of black boxer briefs and Derek can’t help but run his large hand over Stiles’ rock hard cock under those briefs.

Stiles’ hips surge up off the mattress as he chases the friction from Derek’s hand. Derek places his hands up on either side of Stiles’ face and moves up his body, now straddling directly above Stiles straining cock, only two thin layers of cotton separating them. Derek grinds down and both men groan at the sensation.

“Oh my god, Derek, more, I need more. Fuck get down here.”  
Stiles grabs Derek by his hair and drags him back to his mouth, crashing together as they rub and grind against one another, chasing release.

Stiles can’t get over how hot it feels to have Derek’s thick, strong thighs surrounding his hips as the older man rubs and takes his pleasure against Stiles. He always imagined that if Derek was into men he would be a top, but the way Derek is rubbing all over stiles and straddling his thighs, he’s now getting visions of Derek riding his cock, the power bottom of power bottoms.  
“FUUUUCK, Derek. You would totally ride me, wouldn’t you. You’d fuck yourself on me until we are both screaming.”

Derek makes a noise worthy of porn and redoubles the grinding. “Fuck, Stiles. Yes, I want you every way. Fuck I’m close.”

Stiles pants, shocked at how close he is just from having Derek frotting on him. He reaches down and grabs Derek by his fucking perfect ass and pulls the man even tighter against him. “Right there with you, big guy. Come on, come on me, I need it, want it all over me.”

Suddenly Derek surges up, digs his dick out of his briefs, and jerks three times before roaring with his back arched and his head head pointed to the ceiling, shooting thick ropes of come all over Stiles chest and abs.

“Oh holy fuck, fuck, fuck.” Stiles, desperate at the vision of Derek coming above him, reaches for his own dick, absolutely desperate to come as well. Derek swats Stiles hand away and pulls him out, starts jerking Stiles’ dick, slicked up with his own cum. Just thinking about that is enough to push Stiles over the edge. With a shout Stiles shoots into Derek’s hand and over his own stomach, Derek working him through the aftershocks of his orgasm. Then Derek almost collapses onto Stiles, rubbing their come covered chests together, clearly getting off on mixing their semen and rubbing the mess into both of them.

Stiles lets out an exhausted chuckle, “Oh wolfy, go ahead and do whatever you need to do. We can shower later. Gonna pass out now.”

Derek felt so settled now that both he and Stiles had marked each other. Once he was satisfied that their come was sufficiently combined and rubbed in, he turned onto his side and pulled Stiles into his arms as the little spoon.

As he nuzzled into the back of Stiles’ neck and hair, Stiles grunts. “We still have to talk, Sourwolf. But it’s been an exhausting day and I’m done.” Derek nods and grunts.

“Can I stay tonight?”

“Yes Derek, I really want you to stay.”

Derek pulls Stiles even closer and goes to sleep with a relaxed and satisfied smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to "Dig" Playlist on Spotify (yes, it's just a single song, but a great one):
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/557bvuppJLVrQdZ9wnZg8A


	5. It's Okay, I'm Here

Stiles awoke slowly, more relaxed and comfortable than he can ever remember feeling. As awareness crept into his mind, a small smile crosses his face and slowly opens his eyes. Derek is sleeping on his stomach, snoring quietly next to him and Stiles notices that the Alpha has one arm draped over Stiles’ back, like even in sleep he was seeking out contact.

Although supremely comfortable, his stomach growls and he remembers that he basically skipped dinner the night before. Very carefully, so as to not wake up Derek, Stiles slips out of bed. He hears the shower running and guesses that his Dad is home from work, so he closes his bedroom door behind him then walks down the stairs to the kitchen.

Stiles is busy adding sugar to his coffee when he hears his Dad clear his throat behind him. Stiles turns around and offers up a sleepy smile.

“Hey Dad, g’morning. Why aren’t you in bed? You must be exhausted from your night shift.”

The Sheriff has an odd expression on his face as he looks at his son. “I don’t know, Stiles, I got the impression that you have just as much reason to be tired this morning as I do.”

The confused furrow on Stiles’ face is priceless. Honestly, John lives for these moments. It’s not often he’s a step ahead of his brilliant son. He continues, “I mean, I’m no wolf, but the stench of sex wafting from your room when I got home this morning was a pretty clear give away.” He tries to keep his face blank (and probably fails) as he watches Stiles’ face drain of color; god, John loves being a dad sometimes.

“Plus son, if you were trying to keep things to yourselves, you might have considered shutting your door last night, you know, after you two were done.”

Stiles wants to die, well no, not at least until he has the chance to fuck Derek because that image is now permanently burned into his brain. No, maybe the ground could just suck him in for a few hours, until he can regroup and face his father with more mental resources at his disposal. The asshole in question is just smirking at him with glee, like a kid on Christmas morning.

The Sheriff walks up to his stunned speechless son (a rare occurrence) and gives his shoulder a squeeze. “Don’t worry, we’ve all been waiting for the two of you to get your heads out of your asses.” Then the Sheriff starts choking, disturbed by the unfortunate image that his poorly chosen words create in his mind. Stiles, who is now definitely becoming more awake, clues into why his Dad is choking and is now even more embarrassed. “Oh my god, Dad, get your mind out of the gutter! We didn’t do that last night, not even close.”

The Sheriff shakes his head, trying to dislodge the horrifying image.

“And what do you mean you’ve all been waiting?”

“Stiles, the entire pack has a betting pool on when the two of you would finally get your acts together, who would instigate, etc. It’s like a baby pool but more annoying because there is no 9month maximum for waiting. You two have been making us all insane for the last few years.”

“I take it back, I want to die. No future physical pleasure is worth this moment.”

“What?” The sheriff looks at him in both horror and confusion.

“Fuck, I said that out loud, didn’t I? Never mind, ignore me.”

His Dad takes pity on him and drags him to the table where they can sit. “Stiles, it’s okay. Honestly, everyone is going to be thrilled for you both. I take it that Derek came over last night and you two resolved the fight from yesterday?”

Now Stiles starts blushing, his formerly white face switching to tomato-red in record time. “Well, we started to, but it’s hard because Derek is shit at using his words, and I use too many. Then, well other things sort of came out and, um, well, we got distracted from the original issue.”

He glances at his Dad, who is just smiling and laughing. “Well kid, given the ridiculous sexual tension you two have generated, I’m not really surprised.”

“Oh my god, just stop. We are never having this conversation. Anyway, we’re going to talk today, now that we’re both a bit calmer.”

Unable to help himself, “Yeah, I can imagine you two are a bit more relaxed this morning, huh?”

“Seriously Dad! You’re the worst! And people wonder how I got to be such a little shit. Well, this shit didn’t fall far from the paternal toilet, now did he!”

John is full on roaring with laughter, unable to help himself. Stiles just angrily eats his cereal, trying to ignore his jerk of a father. But since his brain is a flexible place that thrives on multitasking, he’s also secretly delighted at how happy his Dad is about him and Derek. He hadn’t had a real chance yet to freak out about telling him, and it’s nice that he will never have to go through that.

Suddenly there’s another noise coming from the entryway to the kitchen and both Stilinskis look up. There is Derek, complete with adorable bedhead, wearing nothing but a pair of Stiles’ boxer briefs and a t-shirt, flushing furiously. Stiles loves so many things about Derek, but seeing him vulnerable and shy is definitely of his favorites.

The Sheriff shoots out of his chair and walks over to Derek, slapping the wolf on his back and pulling him to the kitchen table. “Alright you two lovebirds, I’m exhausted and need to get some sleep. While this morning has been one of the most entertaining in recent memory, I’ll give you some privacy. And for the love of god, remember to close the door next time!”

Laughing to himself as he walks back into the house, Derek hangs his head to rest it on the kitchen table in embarrassment.

“Did that really just happen?”

“Yeah, Der. It really did. I definitely get my asshole gene from my Dad. But on the plus side, he’s clearly delighted that we are, well, whatever we are. Um, yeah. Also something we should probably talk about.”

Derek looks up at Stiles, his eyes equal parts hopeful and scared, and Stiles knows that he could very easily be distracted from the things they need to deal with. Steeling himself, he sits up straighter and decides to just dive in.  
“Alright Sourwolf, I know talking about emotions and feelings is really hard for you, but we need to at least get a few things figured out. I need to understand why you seem to trust the other pack members, especially yourself, to use special skills in dangerous situations but why you don’t trust me.” Stiles lets out a shaky breath before continuing. “This is really important to me okay, I need to understand.”

Stiles gives Derek time to gather his words, knowing how hard it is for him. Finally, the man takes a deep breath. “Stiles, I think it’s because I’ve seen you get hurt so many times and yet you never hesitate to jump back into dangerous situations. Yes, the other pack members get hurt, but you don’t heal like we do.”

“Okay, but that would be happening anyway, regardless of whether I’m using magic or not.”

“I know, but, if you have some weapon that only you can use, I know you. You will do it without hesitation, not worrying at all about the cost to yourself.”

Stiles looks at Derek, and frankly doesn’t disagree with him. He sighs.

“Okay, I actually sort of agree with you. But the thing is, I mean, you all do the exact same thing. We all always put ourselves on the line. You have done it so many times I’ve lost count, Derek. You can’t treat me any differently, it’s not right.”

They hold each other’s eyes, not a staring match as much as trying to connect and convey to the other what they are saying.

Derek nods his head at Stiles, but still doesn’t look convinced and seems to be trying to find the words he needs. “You’re right. You are. It’s just.” He pauses, looks down at his lap, then back up at Stiles. “I’m not entirely rational when it comes to you. But that also doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Your powers are different from ours, and aside from draining yourself by overusing your magic, you also still don’t heal as fast as we do. What about, um, what about like the flight attendants say?”

Stiles is lost, absolutely no idea what Derek means with the flight attendant remark, and Derek makes a frustrated face in reply. “You know, how you have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others? I have complete trust that you will protect the pack. I just, I won’t be able to function unless I know you also will protect yourself.” Derek grabs Stiles’ right hand in both of his. “If we lose you, you won’t be able to protect us. Please, just remember that.”

Stiles shivers from emotion and is doing his best to keep his eyes from welling with tears. “I will if you will. You have to promise the same thing. We can’t just replace you, okay? I understand calculated risks, but no more throwing yourself in front of danger knowing there is a strong chance it will take you down.”

“That sounds fair, we both try.”

Stiles can’t take it; he steps up from his seat and climbs onto Derek’s lap and hugs him hard, burrowing his face in Derek’s neck. Derek’s strong arms band around his back, pulling him in tightly. Nothing needs to be said, they take comfort from one another and find balance again.

 

_________________

 

“So, do you want to hit a drive through on our way home?”

Scott smirks at Stiles and shakes his head, “Honestly, you aren’t even a wolf but you eat more than all of us.”

“Hey, according to Deaton all my magic requires calories, who am I to question it?”

“Well, you’re driving so sure, we can stop and grab..”

Before Scott can finish his sentence, Roscoe is suddenly rammed by another car, a big one because the hit to the driver’s side effectively flipped the jeep over.

Scott is in his beta shift before he can even consciously think about it and uses his claws to break Stiles and himself out of their seat belts. Stiles would have crumpled to the ground but Scott caught him and dragged them both out of the top hatch of the jeep, which is now on its side pointed toward the woods, which let them maintain cover from the threat. Stiles groans in pain but allows Scott to get them tucked behind the jeep.

“Fuck, fuckity fucking hell. Not my baby, Roscoe.”

“Shit, Stiles I smell wolfsbane. It’s got to be hunters. Do you have your phone? We need to text the pack, I hear three of them out there.” Stiles focuses and throws up a shield around Scott and himself, then digs into his pocket with his good arm and finds his phone.

 

To PACK: “Scott and I attacked on road outside preserve, crashed Roscoe, using for cover. 3 Hunters.”

 

“Okay Scotty, I sent it out. Derek should get here first since we barely made it out of the Preserve. I’ve got a force field around us, which should keep the hunters and any bullets away from us.”

Scott nods quietly, “Stiles are you okay? Are you too hurt to use your magic?”

“I think I have some cracked ribs from the seat belt, my arm hurts, and my neck and head ache from all the jarring when we suddenly stopped, but I’m okay. The shield isn’t too much at the moment. But fuck, I’m not sure if I can do anything for the rest of the pack when they get here.”

Realizing that Stiles is about to panic, Scott tries to calm him down. ”Stiles, you have gotta breath, buddy. We have been fine all this time without your magic, we’ll be okay. These assholes probably have no idea what is about to rain down on them. Wait a second, I think I hear Derek.”

“Fuck, Derek, don’t go in and take them on alone. You promised, wait for back-up!”

“Stiles, Derek’s talking to me quietly from behind the tree line. He’s not going to go in, he’ll wait for the pack. He says if we are safe under the shield we should draw the hunters attention, that will help the rest of the pack sneak up on them.”

Stiles is in quite a bit of pain, but he gets an evil smile. Shit talking is his own personal kung fu. “Okay Scott, we can stand up and move a bit, the shield will stay with us.”

Stiles and Scott stand up from behind the wrecked jeep and hold their hands up, looking to any outside observer to be nervous and at the will of the hunters who have been surrounding the jeep.

“Well, look what we caught here. A pair of wolves who need to learn a lesson.”

Stiles smirks at the man who just spoke, “Well Scotty, look what _we_ have here. A couple of idiot hunters who can’t even tell that I’m a fucking human. Real genius, I can’t wait to hear what their master plan is. These three just scream idiotic villain monologuing.”

A second man shouts at them, spit flying from his mouth, “Shut the fuck up wolf lover, you’re even worse. You probably let them use you as the bitch that you are.”

Scott can’t help but get involved in this, “EWWW. Gross dude, that would be like fucking my brother. What sort of nasty hillbilly hunters are you?”

The first one speaks up again, “We’re the one with the bullets that are going to put you down like the vermin you are.”

“Now that was just sad, like bad writing from a weekly procedural tv show. Come on dudes, you can try a little harder to be creative. You’re a walking fucking cliché. In the words of the “stable genius” POTUS we are currently stuck with (yes, Stiles actually does hand quotes), “Sad!”

“Don’t you fucking insult Trump!”

“Really, that is what you want to fight about right now? Oh my god, you guys really are the worst hunters I’ve ever met yet.” Scott notes quietly to Stiles that all the pack are there and are ready to take them down. Stiles nods.

“Well assholes, what the fuck do you want with us? Are we just going to stand around here, twiddling our thumbs or do you have a fucking purpose?”

“Just for that you wolf-fucker, I’m taking you out first.”

Stiles doesn’t even blink, he just smiles his best wolf smile when the dummy tries to shoot him and the bullet flies off the shield and away from he and Scott. He is enjoying the shocked face on the hunter, but hears Scott take a quick intake of breath and turn his head toward the woods.

“Scott, is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

Scott swallows, but turns and tells Stiles everything is fine, just hold the shield. Stiles knows Scott is lying about something, but then there isn’t a moment to ask because the pack has pounced. The hunters really didn’t have a chance, even with all their weapons. They were so fixated on Scott and Stiles that Erica and Isaac have them disarmed in no time. Boyd grabs the gun that went off moments before and tears off into the woods with it. What the fuck?

Scott shouts, “Erica, Isaac, do you have these three under control?”

“Yeah boss, we’ll call the Sheriff and have him take them in. Go check on Derek.”

“What? Check on Derek? What the fuck is wrong with Derek?” Not waiting for an answer, Stiles runs as fast as his injured body will let him in the direction Boyd took into the woods. Scott is at his side, trying to keep him from falling and injuring himself any more. Once they break the tree line they see Derek lying and bloody on the ground, Boyd digging his claw into Derek’s side.  
“What the hell happened?” Stiles screams and drops down to Derek’s other side.

Boyd, who is Stiles’ favorite in a crisis due to his calm demeanor, breaks through Stiles’ panic. “Derek took a wolfsbane bullet to the side, I’m digging it out then we’ll burn the wolfsbane from another bullet and flush out the poison with the ashes.”

“Derek, how the hell did you get shot? What the fuck?”

Stiles has his hands on Derek’s face, wiping the sweat away as it drips down toward his eyes. Derek is looking at him but isn’t saying anything. “I’ll ask again, how did you…” Stiles stops, suddenly he knows exactly how Derek got shot. “Oh my god, it ricocheted off the shield and hit you. Fuck. This is all my fault. Oh my god, Derek. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Stiles drops his head down so he can rest it against Derek’s, crying. “I’m so so sorry. I had no idea that could happen. Derek please, I’m so sorry.”

“Stiles stop, I’ll be fine. Shh. I’m okay. You did so good, so good Stiles.” Then Derek groans. Stiles looks up to see that Boyd has gotten the bullet out. He efficiently pulls another out of the hunter’s gun, grabs his lighter and lights the power up, making sure the ashes fall and get rubbed into Derek’s wound. Stiles is still crying silently, holding Derek’s hand with his good one. In the adrenaline of hearing Derek was hurt, his pains had vanished, but they are back now with a vengeance and he’s feeling very woozy. Derek seems to notice.

“Scott, you need to get Stiles out of here. Take him home, unless you think he needs the hospital. He’s ready to pass out from his injuries and magic.” Scott nods and grabs Stiles gently by the shoulders to pull him up and off the ground. Stiles hangs onto Derek, tears running down his face in a constant stream. “Stiles, I’m fine. Look at me, I’m already healing. You have nothing to be sorry for, we all did great today. Now go home, I’ll come over later okay?”

Stiles still can’t speak, just closes his eyes against the tears and lets Scott pull him out of the woods. His magic may have helped tonight, but he inadvertently hurt Derek. He could have killed Derek if the bullet hit his heart instead of his side. Stiles is shaking and having more and more trouble getting his limbs to move, so Scott scoops him up and jogs down the road to where Isaac left his car before approaching the hunters by foot. Scott puts Stiles in the car, grabs the keys out of the center console (where they all leave them in these situations) and drives him home. They pass the Sheriff and his deputies who are racing to the scene.

 

____________________

 

Stiles isn’t sure exactly how much time has passed, but his Dad and Scott are in his room, doing everything they can to calm him. Scott cuddled him when they first got home, kept reminding him that Derek was perfectly fine, at one point had Stiles relaxed enough that his tears stopped running. But then when his Dad got home he started up again, working all the way into a major panic attack. His Dad and Scott rubbed his back and got his breathing under control, but Stiles was still traumatized that he almost got Derek killed.

“Son, come on, keep breathing. That’s right. I promise you that Derek is fine. He was giving his statement then he said he was going to make sure the rest of the pack got home safely. He’s fine. He’ll be here when he knows that everyone is home safe. Come on, Stiles. You know he’s okay.” Stiles is burrowed into his Dad’s chest like he used to do as a 12-year-old. “I could have killed him, Dad. This thing that I thought was such a gift, something to keep all of us safe, it almost killed him.”

“Shhhh. Stiles, it’s no one’s fault. Come on son. You’ve got to stop this. You and the pack will figure out how to do this safely.” While John and Scott are rubbing Stiles back, his phone makes a now familiar alert. Stiles wretches out of their grip and dives for his phone on the night stand, pulls up a new playlist from Sourwolf called “It’s Okay, I’m Here”. He starts crying hysterically and hits play. Scott and the Sheriff are completely confused as Stiles curls into a ball on his bed, hugging his phone as the familiar piano notes of “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel start to play.

“Stiles, what is it? Stiles? Son, you’re scaring me now.” The Sheriff is rubbing his back again, trying to get Stiles to stop crying, afraid he’ll have another panic attack.

“Oh, thank fuck.” Scott mumbles this and looks at John, “Derek’s here.”

They hear feet running up the stairs and Derek storms into Stiles room. Both John and Scott back off as Derek lies down next to Stiles, turns him to face him and just holds him. Stiles is sobbing into Derek’s neck, hugging him as if letting go would send the pieces of his soul that are currently shattered out into the universe.

“Shh, Stiles. Babe, you’re okay. I’m okay. Just listen to the music okay? Breathe with me and listen to the music.” Derek continues to rub Stiles back, puts his hand under his shirt to pull some of his pain, and helps Stiles to calm down. He whispers into Stiles’ ear, reassuring him that everything is okay, how great he did today, how everyone is fine and how the hunters are in jail. How proud he is that Stiles didn’t overdo it, just did exactly what was needed and how much his magic helped the pack come out safe. Derek looks up and sees that Scott has already left the room, and that John is standing in the door, smiling sadly at them. He nods to Derek, and somehow so much is said with that single bob of the head, before he closes the door quietly behind him.

Derek can feel that Stiles is calming down now that he knows Derek is really okay. “Der – I almost killed you. What if the bullet hit you in your heart? What if the magic I use goes wrong? One of the other betas could have been killed. The last thing I want is for my powers to hurt any of you.”

“Stiles, it’s okay. Yes, none of us thought about ricochet. Now we will, and it’s okay because I’m okay. There is always the unexpected, but, here put your hand on my heart, feel the beat.” He grabs Stile’s good arm, the one not in a sling, and places his hand with those long beautiful fingers over his sternum. “Do you feel it beating? Stiles, your magic is what made taking those hunters down so easy today. Your magic is a gift and I trust it and you to keep us safe. All of us have had mishaps with our powers, you are no different. But you absolutely made things better today. Am I lying, what does my heart tell you?”

Stiles felt no blips in Derek’s heartbeat, but more than that, he saw in his eyes that Derek was telling him the truth. He sighs, snuggles closer into Derek, needing the comfort and trying his best to be rational after all the emotional turmoil he experienced over the last few hours.

Derek lets Stiles use him as a human body pillow, doing his best to drain his pain and keep him comfortable. They listen to the rest of the playlist, feeling safe once more, and drift to sleep.

 

**It’s Okay, I’m Here**

Bridge over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel

Fix You - Coldplay

You’ve Got a Friend - Carole King

Hero – Mariah Carey

Let it Be – The Beatles

Keeping Your Head Up – Birdy

Vienna – Billy Joel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late - life got in the way. Just one more chapter to go, and it will be angst free, funny, and a little smutty.
> 
> Added on 10/22/2019: Link to "It's Okay, I'm Here" Playlist on Spotify:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4CtiSs7tMHth3znZmRnjJz


	6. Olive Juice

Chapter 6 – Olive Juice

 

Stiles felt fragile over the next few days. Derek has spent every night with him, draining Stiles’ pain while they held each other in comfort. Stiles finally decided he needed to talk to Deaton, desperate to know how he can avoid these magical side effects in the future.

Deaton is sitting on a metal stool in the back room, filling glass bottles with a variety of unknown substances. He looks up when Stiles walks in.

“Stiles, I wasn’t expecting to see you this week while you recover. Is everything okay?”

“Hey doc. I’m feeling a lot better; my ribs feel like they have almost healed and my elbow sprain is gone. It’s actually not been as bad as I thought it would be that first night.”

Deaton hums in thought. “Interesting, cracked ribs should take a bit longer to heal. Have you been spending time with Derek this week?”

Stiles tries and fails not to blush, “Yeah, he stays with me at night, pulling my pain so I don’t have to mess up my ADHD meds with additional medications.”

“I see. Well, I suspect that your spark is helping to accelerate your healing, another sign of how powerful you are, Stiles. Since you’ve been having such proximity to Derek, I think your magic is likely to focus on healing since you would feel safe and secure. I wouldn’t be surprised if you are able to further speed up Derek’s healing when he gets injured. This is something we can test at some point.”

“Really? What about the other pack members? Can I start learning healing magic?”

“Well, there are lots of types to learn so I can start pulling those materials together for you to study. It will be easiest for you to help Derek.”

Stiles nods his head, “Because he’s my anchor.”

“No stiles, because of _why_ he’s your anchor. And why you are his.”

Well, there goes the blushing again. Damn his pale face. “Stiles, do you understand? I need you to be able to say it.”

Now he’s squirming on his chair like a kindergartner. “Deaton why are you torturing me, haven’t I been through enough this week?”

“Stiles, until you can acknowledge and own your feelings you will not be able to use the full potential of your magic. If you can’t tell me how you feel, I know you won’t be able to tell Derek. You need to, even if it makes you nervous or uncomfortable. This is part of using your spark, being able to accept your feelings for what they are. I know it’s not easy, but you need to do this.”

Stiles can’t figure out why he’s so stressed to say it out loud, I mean he knows that Derek cares about him and that they are committed to each other and to the pack. There’s just something about saying it out loud that makes it so much more real. And seriously he can’t believe he’s making this declaration to Deaton first, of all possible people.

He closes his eyes and pulls Derek into mind, sees his kind and grumpy face, how his cheeks get a little pink when he’s consternated and can’t find the right words, how he defends Stiles and the rest of the pack with everything he has, how much he has grown from the failwolf he used to be to the incredible alpha he is now.

Stiles releases the breath he had unconsciously been holding and opens his eyes to look directly at Deaton. “I love him. I love Derek Hale, probably more than I’ve ever loved anything before.”

Deaton gives stiles a wide, open smile. It’s so expressive that Stiles can’t believe it’s coming from Deaton’s face. “I can sense the strength in you.”

Stiles tries so hard, but he bursts out into laughter. “Oh my god, you sound like the Emperor from Star Wars. I can’t. I told Derek you weren’t Yoda.” Stiles can’t catch his breath, he’s laughing so hard.

“And it’s delightful to know that you will always stay you, Mr. Stilinski.” Deaton is back to his normal, enigmatic self and Stiles is able to calm down.

“Alright Stiles, if you are calmed down, I want to talk about a few more things.”

Stiles has calmed himself down and nods for Deaton to continue.

“I know you are concerned about unknown risks to the pack from using your magic. All I can tell you is that the more you practice it, the more you will be able to keep control of various situations. But, and this is critical, you have to remember that you can’t guarantee control. Things _will_ happen that you did not plan for. People will likely get hurt, either because you may not be able to help them, or because something you does has an unintended side-effect like the bullet that hit Derek. You need to be able to use your anchor at these times, even if it’s Derek who is hurt, and keep control. The pack will be much more at risk if you suddenly lose control of your emotions while you are engaging magic. So, keeping in control even when you are scared or feeling guilt, that is what will keep them most safe.”

“Okay, yeah. I do understand that. It’s just hard, I wasn’t ready for something to go so wrong.”

“Stiles, in general the way you handled yourself was incredible with those hunters. It was a fluke that the bullet hit Derek. No one can account for that sort of thing and you can’t take it on as your fault. Do you understand?”

Stiles nods, accepts it’s true even though it still makes him anxious.

“Alright, now one last thing that I need to make you aware of is specific to the level of power you seem to have. I’ve been doing research about your tendency to glow.”

Stiles eyes shoot back to Deaton, very curious about this since he has no idea how to control the weird skin thing (though, Derek clearly enjoys it so he’s not complaining).

“From what I’ve been able to find, it is essentially a visual representation of your power, almost like it becomes so strong at times that it manifests in your body.”

“Okaaay. And is it useful at all or could it be dangerous?”

Deaton clears his throat, almost as if he was uncomfortable. “Well, it could be dangerous if it isn’t released. So far you have been able to tamp it down or use the extra energy with the magic you are working on. But I suspect that the phenomenon will only grow with time, so you are going to have to find additional ways to, well, siphon off the extra energy.”

Stiles is looking at Deaton blankly. “How?”

Still looking uncomfortable, Deaton continues. “Well, this is actually something that can be very advantageous to the pack, and it’s also extremely convenient that you are bonded to the Alpha. You may occasionally, when the power grows to be too much for you, need to let it spill over into the Alpha. It will add to Derek’s physical and sensory strength, will strengthen the bonds with his betas, and depending on how much you are able to give to Derek it can also enhance the abilities of the rest of the pack.”

“Wow! That sounds incredible. I’ll be able to literally make the pack stronger? Okay, so is there a ritual or something to transfer my power to Derek when I get too glowy? Maybe some runes or something?”

Coughing a bit, “Well actually Stiles it’s quite simple. It just requires sustained intimate physical contact. The power will essentially saturate from your skin and into Derek. Also, the release of, erm, fluids, into Derek can help to transfer the energy.”

On a good day Stiles has a poor brain to mouth filter, so what came next should have surprised no one.

“Are you saying that I can literally fuck my power into Derek? Holy shit. Oh my god, this might be the best news ever.”

Stiles nearly shouted the last bit, then remembered he’s talking to Deaton and throws his hands over his face in embarrassment. “Oh my god, can we be done now? Please say this ridiculously personal and intimate conversation can be done.”

“Yes Stiles, that’s all for now. We’ll continue your training when you are back next week.”

Now it sounds like Deaton is close to laughing. What an ass. Whatever, he just gave Stiles a mystical mandate to fuck Derek, he’ll take the win.

 

_________

 

 

Derek is relaxing at the loft. Isaac is doing something with Scott tonight, and he’d rather be snuggling with Stiles. However, Stiles is with his Dad tonight and Derek respects the Stilinskis’ bonding time. If he still had a parent, he would do the same thing. He smiles, thinking about how supportive and happy the Sheriff seems with Derek and Stiles together. He’s surprised, honestly, but being accepted by Stiles’ dad gives him hope that someday he’ll be considered a part of their family, too.

His phone goes off and he looks at the notification – it’s a text from Stiles.

 

From Stiles: Hey Der – I’m going to send you something and I want you to just hit play, don’t cheat and look at the whole thing.

To Stiles: Okay.

 

Derek is a little confused but waits for whatever it is that Stiles is sending him. He gets a notification from Spotify that Stiles has sent him a new playlist called Olive Juice. What the fuck? He opens it and ignores the urge to look at the songs and hits play. His surround sound speakers start playing notes that are familiar but he can’t name the song– it definitely sounds older and kinda cheesy? Weird 60s pop, maybe? He’s focused on listening to the music, now a man’s voice starts singing and, wait a second, what the fuck. Is this the Partridge Family?

As the song continues, he hears his door open and looks up as Stiles wanders into the loft. Stiles locks the door behind him and approaches Derek who is still lying on the couch.

Yes, it’s the goddam Partridge Family, and David Cassidy has finally made it to the chorus of the song:

 

I think I love you

So what am I so afraid of

I’m afraid that I’m not sure

Of a Love there is no cure for

 

Derek slams up from the couch and shouts at Stiles, “What the fuck Stiles? What the hell is this? Are you mocking me? The fucking Partridge Family, are you serious?”

Stiles looks stricken, starts waving his arms. “Derek, wait, give me your phone, please.”

Derek stares at him, feeling unbelievably hurt that Stiles is making a joke of his feelings, but he gives him the phone.

Stiles unlocks it, and since when did he have his passcode? Suddenly a new song is playing, and this one Derek knows immediately. The soaring strings, followed by one of the most beautiful voices ever recorded, Etta James. At Last.

Stiles is frozen, watching Derek. “I skipped to the next song. Derek I wasn’t making fun. I was trying to talk in your language and I fucked up. Shit, I thought it was funny but also perfect, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I just love you so much and was so nervous to tell you.” Stiles then goes white, realizing what he rambled. “Oh shit, and now I declare my feelings with spastic word vomit. I just can’t get this right.” He’s got his hands on his face now, trying to hide his shame.

The emotions coursing through Derek at this moment are impossible to describe. At Last, this is the perfect song, it was his parent’s wedding song. And Stiles loves him. He sort of thought he did, but hearing the words, delivered in a way that was just so Stiles. This is one of those perfect moments. He doesn’t consciously move toward the Spark, but he’s there in his space and pulling his hands down from his face, wiping tears off his cheeks.

“I love you so much, Stiles.”

Stiles eyes could not get any bigger, and he buries his face into Derek’s neck as they hug each other tightly, both shaking from the emotion.

“God, Derek, I just am so afraid I’m going to fuck this up. I don’t have a good track record, and my feelings for you are so strong, I’m terrified.”

Derek rubs his cheek against Stiles’, making soft kisses against his ear and then neck. “My record is worse, I promise you. We’ll both mess up, but we’ll be okay. God, Stiles, aside from your apparent love for David Cassidy, this is perfect. Seriously.”

Derek grabs Stiles face and brings him in for a kiss, soft and slow, not demanding, just a physical connection illustrating  how much he feels for this man. Stiles sighs into his mouth, his arms less urgent and his heartbeat less frantic.

“I have no idea what I did to deserve you, I’m sure that I don’t, but this is it. I’m not giving you up. You’re mine now, my own Sourwolf.” Stiles is smiling with a new lightness about him. Derek is still cupping his face and looks at him like he is the lucky one.

“You’re glowing again. God, you always smell incredible, but when you light up I can’t think about anything else, it’s only you.” Derek then proceeds to mouth up and down Stiles’ neck and making absurd noises like he’s the one being pleasured. Stiles smiles and lets out a startled laugh.

“Actually Der, I need to talk to you about something. Hey, big guy, come on look at me this is important.”

Derek drags his face away from Stiles neck, begrudgingly.

“So, I spoke with Deaton and he found out a bit more info about this glowy thing I keep doing.”

Now Derek looks more focused, probably worrying that Stiles may be in some sort of danger from it. Hmm, actually, he is totally going to go with that angle.

“Basically, it’s a sign that my magic is a little overpowered, like I have a bit too much juice or something. So far it hasn’t gotten too strong, or I’ve been able to expend it with my training. But, Deaton said that it could be dangerous in the future if it gets too strong, that I need a proper outlet for it.”

Stiles knows he’s going to hell, but this will only be the final nail in that coffin.

“What?” Derek looks worried. “What do you mean? What will you need to do? Did Deaton get more info about what you can do? How much time before it becomes too strong for you?”

Stiles wraps his arms around Derek’s neck and pulls the Alpha toward him, rubbing his pelvis suggestively against Derek’s. “Well, here’s the thing. Apparently, I can share the extra power with my alpha, and it will amp up your own abilities and maybe the rest of the pack through you.”

Derek is starting to pant because Stiles hips are doing THINGS and he’s looking at Derek with pupil-blown eyes. “Stiles, what?” Derek shakes his head to try and clear it, but Stiles is glowing even more now and his scent, paired with the rubbing and big eyes, is intoxicating.

“Yeah, Der, so basically when my power gets a bit too strong like this, Deaton said that I can share it with you. It would be easier if you are really okay with bottoming because, well, something about fluid transfer, but apparently intimate skin to skin is also a way to do it. So, yeah. Thoughts, Alpha?”

Derek shudders, hearing Stiles call him Alpha, knowing that Stiles is basically asking to fuck him while he’s glowing like this, that it will also make the pack stronger. It’s like he literally won the lottery.

Derek is officially unable to restrain himself, it’s too much. He is so incredibly turned on and in love with this creature that he’s just done.

Derek’s eyes blaze red and Stiles gasps. Without warning Derek attacks Stiles’ mouth with a kiss so urgent there is little doubt in Stiles’ mind that Derek is on board for a bit of power sharing. Stiles lets out a small noise of shock when he is unexpectedly lifted off the floor, Derek’s large strong hands holding him up by the ass, so he winds his legs around Derek’s waist and hangs on as he’s carried up the stairs.

In the dark of Derek’s room, Stiles can see that his skin is glowing even more. He can feel the energy like lines of electricity under his skin. His need to be inside Derek is becoming hard to resist.

“Stiles, if you want to have those clothes to wear again, I suggest you take them off, otherwise I’m going to rip them off and not even feel bad about it.”

Stiles makes a low whining sound, now even more turned on at Derek’s sense of urgency. “Fuck Derek, rip them all off. I’ll just wear something of yours.”

That was apparently the right thing to say, because Derek literally roared as he attacked Stiles’ clothes, using his distended claws to slice through the fabric.

“God Derek, I can feel it under my skin, need you, please.”

Derek rips his own clothes off and for a moment both men just stare. Stiles leans toward the night stand, “Do you have lube? I know you heal, but I don’t want to hurt you. Ever.” Stiles pilfers around in the drawer and finds the lube.

The emotion and care behind Stiles’ words help to calm Derek down. He takes in deep breaths, tries to focus.

“Stiles, before we do this, can I taste you? I just want to taste you all over. Please?”

“Oh my god, yes, fuck, anything you want. I just need to come in you eventually. Are you okay with that? We’ve never actually talked about it.”

Derek shudders again as he climbs onto the bed to hover over Stiles. “Fuck, Stiles yes. I want you to, want all of me to smell like you. I’ve dreamed about it, so yes.”

“Awesome.” Stiles gives him a lust drunk smile. “And I’m pretty sure you know this, but I also want you to top me too. I fucking love bottoming if you are okay with that. It’s just for the power thing it’s better if I top. I love both, honestly.”

Derek groans and lowers his head to start lapping at Stiles’ neck. “Fuck yes, I can’t wait to get inside you, too. I want it all.”

Suddenly Derek is lying on his back, dragging Stiles to climb over him. “Stiles, grab the headboard and straddle my face.”

Stiles dick jerks and drips onto Derek’s chest at those words. “Fuck. Oh my god.”

He climbs up Derek and does as asked, kneels over his head with his thighs above Derek’s shoulders, his ankles under Derek’s arms. Derek reaches his hands up and grabs Stiles’ hips and pulls him down toward his face. Because it’s right there, he starts by sucking his balls into his mouth.

Stiles makes some sort of unintelligible sound and at the same time tries to grind down and pull away from the shocking pleasure. Derek holds his hips firm so he can’t actually escape. Derek then pulls at Stiles’ hips, moving him closer to the headboard, rubbing his stubbled chin against his perineum as Stiles shifts forward across his face. “Fuck, Derek!”

Then Derek’s hands roam down to grab each of Stiles’ cheeks and pulls them apart, exposing his tight hole. His nose is rubbing against Stiles perineum as he gently blows air against the hole, watching it tighten and release. Stiles begins a grinding motion, like he knows Derek’s mouth is so close and he’s trying to get more friction.

“Fuck you smell so good Stiles, going to eat you up and make you crazy.”

“Oh my god then fucking do it! Derek you’re making me…”

Stiles doesn’t get any farther because Derek flattens his tongue and pulls Stiles down so he can make a full lap over his hole. Stiles groans like he’s in pain, but tries to rub himself against Derek’s face. Derek switches to small kitten licks directly on the furled ring of muscle, making Stiles moan even louder. Stiles skin is glowing brightly in the room, and with every lick Derek feels electricity seep into him. The taste of Stiles is intoxicating, but the added punch of power is making him insatiable.

Stiles rocks his ass all over Derek’s face, clutching the head board for dear life as he tries to absorb the contrasting feeling of Derek’s hot wet tongue and scruffy beard. Derek swings one hand forward and starts jerking Stiles’ cock, glorying in the abandoned way he is taking his pleasure all over his face.

Stiles cries out, never having felt anything as good as what Derek is doing to him right now. He also feels a little less like his body is going to explode with energy, thank god, hopefully that means some of it is transferring to Derek. Stiles will sign up for this method of transfer any day of the week.

After another minute Stiles sits up from Derek’s face and pulls himself down to lie against the Alpha, trying to get some control back. “Fuck, Derek. Look at you. You’re totally debauched.” Stiles takes his hand and cups Derek’s cheek, damp, like the rest of his lower face from how aggressively he rimmed him.

“Stiles I want more, could eat you for hours. Get back up here.”

Stiles buries his face into Derek’s chest, trying to stay calm. “Fuck Derek, we will definitely be doing that again. But I want to come in you, so I had to stop. Come on, we need to get you prepped so I can get in you.”

Derek makes a deep keening sound that was similar to a whine, then he grabs Stiles face and kisses him deeply. The taste of himself as Derek sloppily kisses him does nothing more than make him even harder.

Stiles slithers down Derek’s body, licking and biting as he goes. He gets to Derek’s cock and can’t help a detour. He has to taste him. Derek is uncut and well proportioned. Stiles pulls the foreskin down and laps up the underside Derek’s dick. He sucks on his head, dipping his tongue into the slit, while jacking the skin up and down, twisting a little on the up motion.

Derek grips the sheets in desperation, doing everything he can to hold in his claws so he doesn’t ruin the sheets. These sheets will smell like Derek and Stiles and he doesn’t want to get rid of them, ever.

Stiles pops off Derek’s cock and reaches for the lube. He warms a bit on his fingers and looks up Derek’s body, into the Alpha’s eyes.

“You okay big guy? Tell me at any moment if you want me to stop or do something different, okay?”

Derek nods his assent, words again lost to him. Stiles is so careful about making sure that Derek consents to everything, he’s never had someone take such care.

Stiles rubs around Derek’s hole a bit before starting to push in his middle finger. As he breaches the ring of muscle, Derek groans and tries to push down on him, clearly wanting more. Stiles follows his lead and has his whole long finger in Derek, working in and out, stretching the muscle and getting Derek ready.

Derek thinks he might die from the pleasure – Stiles fingers are longer than his, and now he’s got three of them deep inside him, grazing over his prostate gently and scissoring to get him well prepped. Not only are those gorgeous fingers deep inside him, those same fingers he has fantasized about for years, but Stiles glowing skin is making every touch inside of him tingle, adding an extra layer of sensation to the mix. He wants to come on Stiles’ dick and is starting to panic that he’s not going to make it.  
“Stiles!” He gasps, “I’m ready, so fucking ready, please, please, please.”

Stiles pulls his fingers out and gently rubs his open palm against Derek’s lower abdomen, soothing him.

“It’s okay babe. You’re okay. Derek, look at me.”

Derek is dazed but looks lovingly at Stiles. “Are you okay?”

Derek nods.

“Okay, well, I’ve had this vision in my head for a while now. We can do this however you want, but if you’re interested in riding me, I would fucking love it. What do you think?”

Almost immediately Stiles finds himself on his back, Derek hovering over him with his massive thighs straddling his hips. Stiles grabs his own cock, rubbing whatever lube is left on his hand all over it.

“Oh fuck. Derek you’re so gorgeous. Come on, ride me. Pull this energy, make our pack strong.”

Our pack. If Derek wasn’t over the edge before, he’s gone now. He grabs Stiles’ dick in his hand, positions it at his hole behind his back, then impales himself on it. He doesn’t go slow, he just takes it in until his ass is nestled against Stiles’ balls. Derek groans at how full and perfect he feels. Stiles screams, totally unprepared for how fast Derek took him in and fights off coming immediately.

“FUCK! Derek just wait a second, I need a second or I’m going to embarrass myself.”

Stiles grabs Derek’s hips and tries to keep him from moving, but Derek is grinding all over Stiles. His back is arched, hands on his own thighs, head reaching back and eyes closed. Stiles is mesmerized as he watches, there has never ever been anything hotter than watching Derek use him for his own pleasure.

Stiles reaches up and strokes Derek’s cock in rhythm with Derek’s grinding. Derek arches his back even more and moans loudly. He moves and looks down at Stiles then swoops down to kiss Stiles’ neck. “Fuck Stiles, you feel so perfect. Filling me like I need.”

Stiles starts rutting up into Derek, slamming hard and fast. He grips Derek’s back with his hands, nails digging into the werewolf’s skin.

They get lost in the pleasure, sweat and power leaking from one to the other. With every thrust Derek can smell Stiles even more clearly, can taste him even more deeply.

Derek shifts the angle of his hips and suddenly he’s shouting out with every thrust, Stiles is pistoning directly against his prostate. “Fuck Stiles, I’m going to come, I’m so close.”

“Come for me Derek, fuck please come.”

Before Stiles can even get his hand around Derek’s cock, Derek goes off like a rocket, trembling and shooting across both their chests. His ass clamps down on Stiles dick rhythmically as he comes, which is what pushes Stiles over the edge.

Stiles comes inside Derek, slowing his thrusts as he works through his orgasm.

As soon as Derek feels Stiles come, he’s coming again. The electric sensation of Stiles’ release inside him, blanketing him and his prostate, push him over the edge immediately. He cries out in surprise and extasy.

“Whoa, whoa, it’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

Stiles rubs Derek’s back and tries to calm him down from his second orgasm. Derek is still clamping down on Stiles dick as he shudders through the aftershocks.

Eventually Derek collapses on Stiles, who is still inside Derek, doing his best to plug him up so he can soak up as much power as possible.

Stiles loves the heavy feel of Derek on him like this, that he can be soft and care for the alpha after such epic intimacy. Derek nuzzles at Stiles neck again then lifts his head up to look at him.

“Stiles. I know I never have words. But that. That. I just.”

Stiles smiles, pulls Derek’s face down for a slow relaxed kiss.

“I don’t need words. I’ll tell you when I do. You are exactly what I need. Love you, Der.”

Derek burrows back into Stiles, resting his cheek against his chest and holds him tight. “Love you, too.”

 

_________

 

**Olive Juice**

I Think I Love You – The Partridge Family

At Last – Etta James

Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton

Something – The Beatles

Your Song – Elton John

God Only Knows – The Beach Boys

Because You Loved Me – Celine Dion

In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel

True Colors – Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end! Had fun writing this one and picking out appropriate songs for the playlists. Hope you enjoyed it as well, thanks for reading!
> 
> Added 10/22/2019: Link to "Olive Juice" Playlist on Spotify:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1PXX6kAXNVDTKXwQicIu0c

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Worship](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487548) by [Spoonzi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoonzi/pseuds/Spoonzi)




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